It's been 41 years

I'd always love 20th September. Because on this day...back in 1969...I was born! Today, is already 41 years of my living. Wow! Time sure flies, huh?

Looking back to all those years, I feel grateful that my life has always been blessed with the good things. I have two great 'teachers' as my parents and three intelligent and bright brothers. Though I don't have any sisters, I don't feel it's a handicap. I'm proud, actually...to be the only daughter. I have a lot of cousin sisters...to fill in the gap.

Come to think of it, I was a happy child...a beaming teenager...a miserable adolescent and a not too happy adult. But I guess everyone's got their own share of life eh? Nonetheless, I am grateful for what has been given to me all these while.

But now that I have passed that 40 years' mark, I feel something is brewing inside. Some people say when you come to the age of 40, you would either change for the better or for the worse. I'm hoping that I will change for the better. Yes, I've made mistakes...I've erred. Not so much because I am human...but I am destined to. From those mistakes I learned to be a better human. I became who I am today. A bit wiser and a bit smarter, I guess.

If you ask me, the most unforgettable moment in my life was when I defied my mother to be with the one I love...and to found out that he was not who I thought he was. But Mak was still willing to accept me for my lack of judgement.

The memory that I was mostly fond of, is of course when I saw my baby coming out from my womb, for the first time. That 'thing' which I carried for 9 months. I felt the same when Rafique was born. The sole heir to the family of Rosli Asnawi. I think only those who have given birth could share the same sentimental feeling.

I am indeed grateful for all the blessings that Allah has given me. Most importantly, He is always there to help me find my way back to the right path. Thank You, Allah...for giving me the chance to breathe and walk on this earth as Your humble servant.

"Dear God, I thank Thee...for all the good things that you have given me all these while; for the health that You have bestowed upon me so that I could look after those under my care; for the strength to pick myself up after every 'battle'; for the sadness and sorrow...so that I will always treasure those happy moments; for the tests and endurance...to make sure that I will always come back to the right path. And I thank Thee...for giving me the chance to live as a Muslim...Please allow me to go back as a Muslim too. A better one, that is.

God...please forgive me for all the sins that I have done to Thee...to all human kinds...and to all living things. Please forgive me for all the wrong doings that I have committed, be it in my actions, my words or my writings. I know You will never give up on me. Only to Thee, I ask for forgiveness, only to Thee I seek for guidance and only to Thee I put on my hope. For You are Most Gracious and Most Merciful. Amiiin Ya Rabbal'alamiiinnn".

And I'd take this opportunity to pen my apologies to my family, my friends and all my Blog readers...should you feel offended by my writings or by me, personally. Sometimes they are not intentional...but sometimes they are.

Sincerely,

Zade