11 September 2008

It’s been a while since the last time I wrote to this Blog. I was occupied with some personal matters. I had a miscarriage back in early August so I was on medical leave for quite a while. There were mixed feelings when it occurred. I wasn’t actually prepared to get pregnant again so I’d consider it as an accident. And I wasn’t too sure if I brought the miscarriage on to myself or it was really fated. I ate a lot of durians during the early days – almost every day! That was peculiar because last year I didn’t have the slightest interest to eat durian, not even a bit. I pray to Allah the Al Mighty that I didn’t commit the sin of purposely causing the miscarriage to happen.

During the medical leave, I didn’t actually follow the confinement terms except in taking care of what I ate and drank. Though the elders said that having a miscarriage is worse than having birth, they didn't actually tell me how, in terms of the confinement state we should be in. Nevertheless, I’m still cautious of the activities I’m involved with. I’d really love to start participating in sports again but I’d give myself a few months more to rest. Then I’m off to the fields again and off to London Weight Management again, to resume my treatment. (Weight management? Hmm…Let’s not talk about that now).

It’s a memorable day, today. 7 years ago I was terminated from my employment because of an email I sent to a few colleagues regarding the 9-11 tragedy. It was merely a personal view but one of them took it seriously and forwarded the email to our CEO. I’d rather not reflect the whole event but I did learn a lot from that incident. A few days back it sort of hit me once more. I sent an email to a couple of personally-known colleagues by BCC: to advertise the part-time business that I’m currently doing. But one of them could have sent it to my big Boss because I received an email from him reminding me not to do it again. He said he received it from someone who complained I misused the company email.

I was a bit disappointed because I thought the few colleagues were my ‘friends’ but I guess I was wrong (well…maybe one of them didn’t regard me as his/her friend or he/she could have forward it to someone else who didn’t think that I’m a friend). And I was grateful because my boss didn’t throw me to the DI panel! I think the person who sent the email to him is a hypocrite. I can guarantee that there’s no one person in that company who does not use the company email for personal purposes, except those who came in and out of the office to log-in and log-out. I hate hypocrites! I’ve been trying to avoid myself from being one.

I’m writing from my parents’ house cause I came back to visit them upon their return from performing the Umrah (small Hajj) last Saturday. I was here since Tuesday night with my kids and will be back home on Sunday. Missed my husband so much.

I gotta pen off now. See you again!

Those Days

I was born in a small township named Kuala Lipis, in Pahang, an East Coast state in Peninsular Malaysia. The date was 20th September 1969 and the time was 1.25am. I was born at home not at the hospital and I’ve never thought to ask my mom who the midwife was. Perhaps I shall, after this posting. No. 96, Jalan Pekeliling was very synonym to me and my family because that’s where we lived from the day I was born til I was about 11 years old. Those times one could hardly see the house from down below because it was shadowed by fruit trees and surrounded by rubber trees. The only thing that could tell there’s a house on that hillside was the garage at the bottom of the hill and lights emitted from the house at night.

As I’ve mentioned, I had a normal life. Therefore my childhood days were filled with good memories. Never once would I recall having to go through any hardships. Though Kuala Lipis is considered a town (it was once the capital city of Pahang, before Kuantan) but the surrounding of the house made it feel more like living in a village. I had the freedom to run about through the trees, play under the house, climb the trees, even adventuring into the rubber plantation owned by an Indian man, in adjacent to my grandfather’s land. In dry seasons, the leaves would be blown by wind and we would act as if we were in some western country, experiencing ‘snow’ and spring time.

There were only three of us children then – my elder brother and me, we were just 11 months apart and a cousin who was ‘adopted’ by my grandparents to live with them. But she was not so active like me and brother. I could only recall quarreling with her most of the time for no apparent reason.

I was born in a family of discipline and unconditional love. ‘Unconditional’, the first time I heard that sentence was from my grandfather. He said it means ‘kasih saying yang tak berbelah bagi’. True enough, though the family members did not apparently show their affection towards each other – no hugs, no kisses…as far as I could remember, the bonding was very close and tight.

My grandfather disciplined us through Islamic practices. He taught us to read the Muqaddam, before we would complete and ‘upgraded’ to reading the Al-Quran. We’d do this every night, at 8pm after his Maghrib prayers. Thus we have to take our baths before Maghrib. Else it would be noisy with scoldings and urgings to hurry up because the elders wanted to take their ablution to perform the Maghrib prayer. Sometimes we would get a ‘lashing’ from my grandfather’s cloak – a piece of cloth he’d usually wear around his shoulder and which I kept till today.

I’d remember during those reciting times, my brother and I would quarrel on who should be the first to do so because at 8.30pm Six Million Dollar Man would be on air. That series was a big hit then, followed by Bionic Woman, Man of the Atlantis, and such. Most of the time my mother would close the door on us so that we would not be able to listen to the TV when we were reciting.

My parents were both teachers. Such I was disciplined in terms of time – time for study, time for play, time for reciting Quran and time for sleep.

INTRO

Hey...I'm a new kid on the Blog. Who am I...? You'll get to know me in time. Meantime, let me tell you why I'm interested to be on the Blog.

I've lived life in the most normal way anyone can ever think of. My childhood was exciting, my teenage was challenging and my adulthood is no difference. But I guess I'm now in the crossroads of life....not sure which way to go. Should I blame it on my normal life? What's wrong from being normal anyway?

I have loads of story to tell. I'll treat it as a lesson of life for the teenage nowadays. There's too much confusion, too much wanting to be an adult, too much of wanting to be free, too much of wanting to own everything, the whole world if at all possible...that most of us tend to forget the basics - FAMILY.

That's what this Blog is all about. MY LIFE, MY FAMILY. This is my tribute to them, those people whom have made me who I am today.