Tribute To Self

To the Most Beautiful Soul in the world,

Have I told you lately that I love you? I do. With all my heart!

First and foremost, I must apologise for being unfair to you. After all these years I have never acknowledged you. Let alone to appraise you. I have never told you that I love you, either. Today, as you are celebrating your 48th birthday I thought it might be fitting for this more than rare or possibly extra ordinary tribute, to be given in such a manner. 

So here goes...

I have known you all my life. I have seen your ups and downs, your highs and lows, your laughter and your tears, your anger and your jubilation, your warmth and your wrath, your happiness and your sadness, your success and your failures. I must say that I have never seen anyone as determined, deep-rooted, strong-spirited and principled as you are. Your parents have taught you well, my dear. Your surroundings have definitely educated and groomed you up to become a better person, too. 

You were once a happy-go-lucky gal who cares of nothing evil in this world. You've had a fair share of a good time in your youth. You have enjoyed your life so much. You have laughed, danced and sang to the songs of life. It was full of colours. Full of joy. Life was so much simpler then, hence your tagline 'Simple Is The Best'. I am proud to have been a part of it. 

However, when your heart was broken, your life seems to have faded away. You were listing your life to the near end. After your parents passed on, followed by your beloved brother Amri, it was as if there was no more life in that soul of yours. There was no more joy, no more happiness that radiates through that smile. Your eyes could only see sadness and despair. With all that has happened, you became a very deep person. People could hardly understand you, even those who are closest to you. I could hardly recognise you! And I began to wonder...where was that cheeky little girl that I once knew? Where have that happy-go-lucky girl who loved sports, nature and adventure went to? What have you done to her? 

This is why I must apologise to you again. I have not been a good companion to you. I merely watched you wasted your adult life away without doing anything. But I must say that you are one hell of a tough hag! 

Every time you fell into misery, every time sadness came to you, every time your heart broke and every time you became lost, you came back. You will always have your head high above the waters even when you were about to drown in your suffering. Yes...I must admit that your mind is your most powerful strength. I admire you for that. You have my highest respect for being able to make it thus far. 

As the late Muhammad Ali once said "It's not a matter of how many times you were knocked down, but how many times you got back up after being knocked down". You did just that! You got back up on your feet, held your head up high and moved on with your life. Every time you fell, you got back up. Every time you failed, you came back with sheer determination to make things right. Every time you got lost, you found your way back home. It shows that you can do whatever you want to, if you really put your mind to it.  

On this auspicious day of your life, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. You are the most wonderful person that I have ever known. You have the kindest of heart that would reach out to others even when yours are bleeding. You have the purest and most beautiful soul I have ever met. You are the most loving, most gracious, most intelligent and the most caring. Most importantly, you have the brightest of smiles. Nothing else in this whole wide world could match your endearing love and affection for your kids. Your kids are very lucky to have you as their mother. My heart is about to burst with the intensity of my love for you. 

And I am asking you, my dearest beloved, to please live happily again. After all that you have endured, you deserve to be happy. Find your passion. Go out and enjoy nature like you once did. Laugh! Sing! Play! Do whatever you have to do to find that glint or that flicker of happiness. Bring that ol' Lepih girl back to life! So that that wonderful smile of yours will radiate the world and shine through the universe once again. Can't wait to explore the world with you,babe! 

I will be here for you for ever and ever and for eternity. No one will ever love you as much as I do. Because you are part of me and I, part of you. 

REMEMBER!
You are a beautiful soul. 

In the meantime.....CELEBRATE!!!!


Yours Forever, 
ZADE.


P/S: This song is specially dedicated to you....Special Song for a Special Person

Past, Present and Future

After being mersmerised and in daze for a few days, I wrote this on Facebook:-

Each and every one of us has a PAST. Each and every one. It's also called HISTORY. Why? Because once upon a time families would sit around and listen to stories told by their elder ones...His story.

Some people don't want to remember their past. Mostly because it was too painful, too heartbreaking or too disappointing. So they tend to forget about it. Well, of course they would do that. Who would want to remember a painful and disheartening past, huh?

Like me. I have a lot of painful memories of the past. I put the blame on those who were involved. I even put the blame on my mother! Duhhhh....

But here's the thing.

Whatever you do, you can't change the fact that your past DID HAPPEN. Bad news, huh? Yeah, they did. Unknowingly, you are who you are today because of the incidents or events that have occurred in the past. Either you've made yourself better or worse, that was your choice. However, I am sure all of us would not want any of those to be repeated. Aye? In a way, you do have something to learn from the past. Mistakes that you did in the past, sins that you have committed, wrongdoings that you did onto other people, etc etc etc....have made you a better person today.

There are also those who are fortunate enough to have a very good past. Filled with fun, love, happiness and even success. Whether you realise that or not. Whether you accept that or not. The facts is, you HAVE CHANGED. One becomes wiser with age. Didn't the wise say that? Indeed we do become wiser as we aged.

That's why now is called the PRESENT. It is a gift for you from the yesteryears.
So you should embrace the now. Enjoy the moment of being who you are today, who is much much better than before.

Forget about thinking who you 'should've been' or 'could've been' or 'would've been' because 'should have', 'could have' and 'would have' don't exist. It was just the mind trying to trick you into believing that you could be someone else. Which is just crap. There is no such thing as should have, could have and would have! No. They don't exist.

Hang on. There's more. Guess what?

Who you are TODAY will determine who you will become in the future. Be it tomorrow, the next day, next week, next month or next year. Pick the choice. It's all yours.

Then your present will eventually become your past, in your future.

I'll say that again...

Your present will eventually become your past, in your future.

Now...if you still can't get me, here's the thing:-
The PRESENT is a gift for you FROM your past and FOR your future.

Gedit?

So....if you are still unsatisfied with who you are today, make the change. If you want your future self to become better than who you are today, change it.

Nobody is more responsible for your own self, your own life, your own happiness, your own success....than YOU.

Savvy?

And I'm only saying all these because I care.

Reflection #02

A few weeks ago a friend came to visit and stayed with us for two nights. She was from Singapore. One of our fellow Warriors. I didn't know her that well but somehow there is a connection between us and it made me feel comfortable when I'm around her.

So she came, partly because it was the Eid ul Adha. Partly because I needed her help with some healing.

I was just been discharged from the hospital two days before she came, due to bronchitis. The last time I was warded was in 2015. Somehow, I felt that my illness has nothing to do with my physical being. It was more of my mental and psychological. I was losing my way. I got lost along the way.My mind, my body and soul were fighting against each other. It made me confused. It made me sick.

Of course, there was the whole thing about my grieve to deal with.

On the second day she was here, Lina (that's her name), asked me if I wanted her to help me. So I said yeah, I do. She told me that my illness went way back to a couple of years and we have to deal with that first. We went through a few sessions of healing. I can't describe to you how and what it was. One has to experience it in order to understand.

She took off layer after layer of anger, frustration, blame, self-blame, etc and make them disappear. The most important ingredient in this healing process is that you have to be true to yourself. That is, if you really want to heal yourself from all those bad vibes.

After the sessions were completed, I felt 'lighter'. Like a 20-years of burden being lifted off my shoulders. I felt light and at the same time mersmerised. It was like..."Eh, what happened'? I didn't quite know what had hit me. But I suddenly began to realise that all those 'baggage' I have been carrying on my back have taken a toll on myself. Even though I've said it before that I have forgiven and let go, I think I have not fully did. And in those healing sessions, I did. Most importantly, I have forgiven MYSELF!

After Lina went home, I was still dazed. Seems like I have finally managed to put the past behind me. Not to forget, not to remember either, but to cherish.