I've been trying to avoid this feeling that I feel inside. Probably trying to "ignore" it would be the best word to describe what I've been doing.
Every time this feeling creeps into my heart I would just put it aside and do something else. All the while putting up a brave face, pretending to be strong, busying myself and my mind with work and assignments and family. You know what? It's not going away. It's still there, deep inside my heart. So sometimes, like tonight, it will come back to surface.
It's been a while since the last time I cried. In fact, it's been three days. Heh. Yeah...grieve hit me that night when I was in Melaka. Because it was the 2nd of August. My Abah died on the 2nd of August, 5 years ago. Five years! Not only that, I was also crying for Mak and Abang. Oh, I missed them so much!
It cuts me deep when I feel "lost". You know, at times when we need to get away, we can always go back to our hometown and ask our mothers to cook our favourite food? Just being there was comforting. Protected, somehow. But I'm unable to do all that now. Not anymore. That thought alone, is devastating. How sad...
At the back of my mind, there is always this feeling of 'void'. Something's amiss. I once asked you, have you ever feel alone even when you are in the midst of a crowd? I get that feeling a lot.
Time will heal. So they say. I hope so, too.
