Monday 28 June 2010

If Only...


One day, a friend was complaining about his hardwork and little pay..."How I wish that money could grow on trees. It'll be so much easier", he said. Then his good friend responded "Bro, if money can grow on trees, then we'd all be monkeys my friend. We'd be clambering up the trees to pluck the money".


Yes, it's not easy to find money. You'll have to work hard to earn it. Why? Because money is valuable...and that makes it precious. Just like gold and diamonds. They're not easy to find. But they are highly valuable. If they are easy to find...then they won't be so precious anymore, would they? Would there be any value on things that are not precious?

It's Just a Simple Game, Actually

Yeah...FIFA World Cup is here. Again. The much awaited game of all. Come to think of it, football is just a simple game. 20 people, running after one particular ball and trying all their might to kick it into the goal. While two people, on either side of the field, try to block the ball from going into the goal...that they are guarding. It may sound stupid, to some people who don't appreciate football at all. On the more rationale side, it's just a game about winning. Or is it?

If it is such a simple game, then why do people from around the world wait for it in anticipation even when it's held only once in four years? Was it just for fun? Was it for this trophy? I mean, there are other World Cup games like bowling, skiing, baseball, cricket, etc. But why is the FIFA World Cup so famous that the games are watched by millions of people around the world?

The game has been around since 1930. Way before Malaysia gained its independence. Including this year, FIFA has held 19 world cup tournaments (there was a 12-years' gap during the Second World War). Do you know that out of all the nations that have played in this tournament, only 7 national teams have won the World Cup title..with Brazil having the most (5 titles)?

But throughout the decades...it has created its own phenomenon. Pain..physical pain associated with the game is a usual. But psychological pain, resulted from the losses..are much to endure. Missing only one point or one goal, that led to the team being let down from going ahead was a major let down to some. Not only the players, but also the management of the team and also the supporters. And those losses, would be remembered again and again...every four years. Not including those bias referees and linesmen. Hah! Then there's the technology, evolving tournament after tournament. Who would have thought that technology could evolve around a ball? So was in jersey-making.

The game is indeed simple, but the impact before, during and after the game are what makes it important. By end of the day...it's all about PRIDE. Winning...is pride. Losing...is pride. Missing a goal...is pride. Scoring a goal...is pride. Forget about all the other things that could be associated with the game. All in all, it's as simple as that.

Whaddaya think?

Thursday 24 June 2010

REUNION 2010


It's been a while since I last updated this blog. Well, I've been a bit tied up with the upcoming Reunion 2010 for my ex-collegemates of ADBA(T), ITM, Classes of '84, '85, '86 and '87. It's gonna be held this Saturday in Concorde Shah Alam and I'm the sole organiser.

So lots of things need to be done, you see. Though most of my ex-classmates won't be able to make it, I'm sure we're gonna have a good time. If God permits. And hopefully things would go as planned. There'll be Door Gifts and lots of lucky draw prizes to be won.

Wow! I'm so excited!! I'm going off to Shah Alam tomorrow morning with the kids. Will be back on Sunday after attending a cousin's wedding in Hulu Kelang. Maybe, if time permits I'll drop off a few lines about the Reunion.

See ya! Til then, carpe diem baby!

Wednesday 23 June 2010

I'm Missing You, Baby



In between wake and sleep
I see you...I can almost touch you
I feel your gentle breath in my ear
And I hear the softness of your voice
Caressing me to slumber

The strength of your arms
Wrapping me in warmth
I'm drifting...drifting...
Is it a dream or is it a dream?

Feels so real
But how could it be?
You're no longer with me
And I'm missing you, baby

Sunday 20 June 2010

Tribute to My Father

Father's Day was here, yesterday. Every year, like any other special occasions, I'd be scratching my head trying to figure out what's the best gift to give to my father. I might not be able to give him anything this year since I am financially 'disabled' for the time being. So this shall be my gift to him. This posting, specially dedicated to my beloved father.

He is whom I call "Abah". One who used to be the disciplinarian in the family. Maybe because he was a teacher; the eldest of 10 siblings; had experienced hardships during his children days; or maybe he'd always wanted us to uphold the family name. I would never forget those early years when me and my elder brother were summoned to his bedroom, stood in front of him with our hands at the back and explained to him what we thought we did wrong that day. We could not lie to him 'cause Mak had already told him everything. He just needed to hear it from us. Once we agreed that what we did was wrong, we had to put out a palm and 'smack!' would he went with a wooden ruler. It was painful.


Abah was usually quiet but when he speaks, it's like an autonomy. Once he said "No" that means No. My elder brother got away early when he went off to boarding school after Standard Six. I had to endure the disciplines throughout my whole teenage life. It seemed to be too much for me. No after-school activities except academics, no joining the Scouts, no joining the Hockey team, no school dinners or functions, not even a school tour! Always have to come back home before 7.00ap.m.. I couldn't even go to town without my younger brother(s) as my escorts, even to my grandparents' house. I always felt like running away from home then.



The first time I ever get to stay away from home was when I was accepted to study Business Administration (Transport) in ITM (now UiTM). During the first few weeks, I rushed back from class every day to ensure that I got back to the hostel before 7pm because I imagined my father's face in front of the hostel door, waiting for me! That's how much influence he put on me...(or brainwashed?). But after all that, I was very much grateful because I became cautious and later, a thoughtful adult. I realised now that he did all that to protect me from the reality of life.

When his mother was hosipitalised, Abah was there keeping vigil at all times. Then, he told me that his mother sacrificed a lot for him during his school days. He was one of the earlier malay students accepted to further study in an English school. But due to financial difficulties, his father couldn't afford to send him there. But his mother insisted. So she'd make nasi lemak & kuih-kuih (delicacies) in order to raise money until at last he managed to go to that English school and managed to obtain his HSE Certificate. He'd do odd part-time jobs along with his younger brothers to get some pocket money. So when he finally graduated from College and started to teach, he helped to finance his younger siblings until they managed to find their own jobs. He had once told my younger brothers that even though he's not financially well-off, he'd try to fulfill anything that they wanted. And I couldn't but agree with that more.

When I was in secondary school, I'd always get presents from my parents for doing well in my studies. I'd also get presents for my brithdays. I knew it wasn't easy for them to finance my studies in ITM but somehow they managed to. They had to borrow from their siblings, financial institutions and also the Teacher's Cooperation. Loans, that they had to bear until after my graduation. When I graduated, he didn't say anything. Not even "Congratulations". But I knew he was proud. So when I started working, I try as I might never to burden them again.

I learned a lot from my father's hardships and how he strived to ensure that my siblings and I got our education. And his disciplines had somehow influenced the way I'm raising my two kids now. But the biggest influence Abah had on me was definitely his passion for reading. Oh, he's never 'taught' me to read per se. Indirectly, he influenced me through the collection of books that he had at home. From the Malay epics to the full array of James Bond novels. Unknowingly, as I grew up, reading became my passion too. And now, at 68 years old, Abah is still an avid reader. He'd go nowhere without a book in his sling bag. He'd read anything from a book on religion to a book on self-motivation.


I hope he'll have the chance to read this tribute, as my gift to him on Father's Day. Though at times we might disagree...please remember that I'll always love you, Abah. You'd always have my fullest respect and regards. You'd done your very best to be a Great Dad...and now, a Grand Dad.







Your one and only daughter,

ADIK

Happy Father's Day


Today is a day, specially dedicated to those who are called Papa, Abah, Ayah, Aba, Baba, Babah, Bapak, Walid, Dad, Daddy, Appa, Father. Daddies, who are usually left out from the highlights of the news, compared to their feminine partner...the mommies. But aside from their sternly figure, there's always a certain softness...aside from their strictness, there's always a certain kindness...and aside from their busy schedule, there's always a place for the family in their hearts.

This day is special for those who regard their children as their offsprings...as precious little beings...as a part of their own life...their hearts and their souls.


This day is indeed dedicated to all the Daddies around the world. Know that you do play a major role in your children's lives. Though its the mommies who always get the attention, daddies are idolised in their own special way. I know, 'cause my Abah is my idol.

My fullest respects and my highest regards to ALL of you out there!! Hats off...to ya!



And today...is also the day when I would condemn those who have ignored their kids, abandoned them and abused them...also those devils who killed their own flesh and blood...innocent beings born out of wedlock...out of pure ignorance by the sinners. May you rot in Hell!!

Thursday 17 June 2010

Relaxlah

Senario 1

Pada satu hari, si anak mengeluh kepada ibunya "Ibu, apakah sudahnya hidup kita ni? Tiap-tiap hari kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang". Ibunya dengan lembut menjawab "Nak buat macamana nak, dah kita ni ayam. Nak makan kenalah mengais".











Senario 2

"Ibu! Tidakkah ibu malu bila jiran-jiran menggelar ibu dengan panggilan ibu ayam?!" jerit si anak memarahi ibunya yang baru pulang. Ibunya dengan marah berkata "Anak tak tau diuntung! Apa kau malu dilahirkan sebagai ayam??"













Originally by : Yours Truly, Zade.

Tuesday 15 June 2010

Don't You Wanna Change?

'Change is the only constant'. I've heard this a dozen times through the course of my working life. I tried to comprehend to what it means but finally I think it's all about changing with time.

About 30years ago we use this kind of phones in our house.


But now, house phones are almost unheard of. People nowadays use handphones (mobile phones) and most recently, iphones like this one.





When we want to communicate with others who are at a distance away, we send them letters through the mail.

But now, there's an easier way to communicate. We use the e-Mail (electronic mail) to communicate. And it has become so effective that this an era when they say the world has no border. You can communicate with others from different time zones and still get the response. Amazing, isn't it? And you don't have to wait for days or weeks to get the response.

The way of life has changed a lot for the past few decades. But there are still some people who would rather stay as they were. Whether they are comfortable with the way they are...or they are resistant to change....

But throughout the years, some people would have change from this house:







To this house:







Or from this CLK (Cute Little Kancil):







To this real CLK:







So if you haven't changed throughout the years...where would you have been? You'd be in the exact same position as you were, of course. Is that good or not good? Some of those who are resistant to change would probably say "It's okay. I'm contented with my life now". Others would probably say "Hey, I've got all I want already. So why change?". Then others who did change would say that these people are being left behind time (ketinggalan zaman).

The question is: "Is it necessary to change with time?". It IS necessary to change with time. Why? Because then we'd be able to accelerate ourselves in terms of our knowledge, our experience, our mindset and our views of life. Materially, if we change according to time, we are able to move from where we were, upnotch to a better living.

For example, 20 years ago you were young and carefree. You rent a room somewhere uptown, for about RM200 per month. But now, you are married with kids. Do you still want to stay in a rented room or do you want to move to a bigger and better place? Of course you'd find a better place for the whole family, right? Either you rent a house or you buy a house...that's another matter. The point is, you would change with time.

So if you are still in the same position as you were before...for years...should you be contented? Don't you wanna change? If you do, what's stopping you then?

Monday 14 June 2010

When Friends Become Strangers


I used to consider myself a loner, when I was in high school. I did have friends then, but not close friends la. So I'd rather be by myself. That's how I ended up becoming a thinker...an observer. Heh. Anyway, I am who I am now, most of it I owed it to my friends; those few that I have for so long. Yeah...I don't have that many friends. But those I have, I treasure very much, you know. Some of them have been with me since high school, some since I was in college and some when I started working.

These are some of my ex-collegemates. With a few of them, this was our first meeting after 19 years.

Friends, to me, are those who would go through thick and thin with me. Those who would understand me and accept me for who I am. I'd consider them close if they are willing to tell me what I've done wrong and how I could have done it right. So that's why I only have a few of them out there. No heart feelings. This is a fact. And I know that I'm no one's best friend either. This is a fact too.

This is my closest. And we started out as strangers, about 26 years ago.

These are a few of my good buddies. We went back 24 years together.

It's rather easy for strangers to become friends, if you are a friendly person. It's rather easy for friends to become strangers too. Like what I'm experiencing now, with this long-time friend of mine. It's a sad thing. Very sad. Because I treasure my friends so much that I'd hate it when I lose any one of them (since I don't have that many, losing any one of them would reduce the statistics further down now, would it?).

How did it all started? Well, it all started when I fell in love with him. A long time ago. Then we split...and then we met, again....then we split. Again. His married. I'm married. That is mutually understandable. He doesn't want to see me anymore (for obvious reasons) and that's still okay with me. But he doesn't even call. Doesn't even texted (SMS lah) and doesn't even respond to my texts. To me, it's more like I became a stranger to him, rather than the other way around. Or so...perhaps. And it hurts. Very much.

And I wanted to be his friend again, so much, you know. 'Cause I still care and I'm still concerned. But I think that's not gonna happen now. Why? Well, simply because things have happened, words have been spoken, hearts have been broken. And all those cannot be undone. Perhaps he knew that. So that's why he cannot accept me as a friend anymore. Or maybe because we've never started as friends. Or maybe because I came on too strong. Or maybe because we were never meant to be...Not even as friends. Or maybe because our circumstances won't permit us to continue our friendship.

And I know, I can't force anyone to like me...let alone to love me...or even to accept me as a friend. So, sadly...indeed...I'll just have to let him go then. I'll always wish for him all the best in his life, his career, his marriage and his friendships. What more can a friend (or an ex-friend) do?

Here's saying...it's been a pleasure knowing you (and you know who you are, man).

Please Forgive Me


Quietness of the night
Gives peace to the heart
The only sound...is the ticking of the clock


Now I feel...
Oh I feel...the loneliness
But its beautiful
And it brings tears to my eyes



The longing for clarity
I finally find in sincerity
...of Your love to me, and me, to You.
I miss You...oh I miss You

Can You hear me calling?
Can You see me crying?
I've been far away adrifted
But You pulled me back to shore



Now I wonder if I'm forgiven
For all the things I did before

Please forgive me...
Please forgive me...
Please forgive me..

For I am humbly and truly...
Yours.


Saturday 12 June 2010

99 Balloons

I watched this on Oprah Winfrey Show yesterday and I cried. Oprah did too. And so was Celine Dion, her guest on the show.

This video is about a father who read out letters for his son named Eliot. Eliot was born with Trisomy 18 (also known as Edward Syndrom). A few weeks before he was born, the Doctors anticipated that he wouldn't live through birth. But fate has it that he lived for 99 days. This documentary, produced based on his father's posting on his Blog, presented Matt reading out 'letters' to Eliot whom he dubbed 'the boy who never uttered a word'. Eliot passed away on July 20, 2006.

The video is too large to share it here. So check out this link so you can watch it on Youtube.


For more information on Eliot, you can also check out this Blog, which they have eventually left open for viewers. Click on the 2006 postings.


Why am I sharing this with you? Because I am amazed at the way this couple enjoyed every single day of their lives with their son, even knowing that he won't be with them for long. Even when Eliot's gone, they 'celebrated' his passing with 99 balloons that represented every day of his young life.

Friday 11 June 2010

Religion (Keagamaan)

Dah lama tak sambung kisah hidup aku nih. Ini Bab Kedua dalam senarai elemen-elemen penting dalam kehidupan seseorang. Aspek keagamaan. Kerana nilai-nilai keagamaan itu adalah teras kepada jati diri setiap orang.


Kerana hanya dengan adanya pegangan agama maka seseorang itu mempunyai suatu asas yang kukuh untuk dia meneruskan kehidupan yang berbagai corak. Pegangan agama adalah penting untuk menentukan bidang kerja apa yang harus kita lakukan dan yang mana pula yang harus kita jauhi. Pegangan agama juga penting untuk memberi kita kekuatan agar terus bersabar bila berhadapan dengan berbagai jenis rintangan. Ibarat sebatang pokok, asas keagamaan itu adalah akar yang meneguhkan pokok tersebut dari mudah tercabut apabila dilanda badai.

Sejak dari kecil, arwah Tok yang banyak membentuk aku dari segi keagamaan. Aku mula belajar mengaji seawal umur 6 tahun, dengan Muqaddam (sekarang orang panggil Iqra'). Selalunya sesi mengaji mula pukul 8 malam, lepas Tok siap solat Maghrib. Time tu berlumba-lumbalah dengan abang aku, siapa yang nak mengaji dulu. Sebab masa tu pukul 8 je ada cerita yang best-best kat TV. Six Million Dollar Man la...Bionic Woman la...


Sekadar gambar hiasan...He he.

Yang best tu, aku dapat naik Al-Quran dulu. He he he... Tapi tak de apa yang istimewa pun. Ada orang, bila dah naik Al-Quran mak dia buatkan pulut kuning. Saja la...untuk melepaskan hajat. Tapi time kitorang dulu tak de menda.

Masa Darjah 5 kitorang dah tak duduk dengan Tok lagi. Mak upah sorang Bilal untuk datang ke rumah ngajar kitorang ngaji. Masa tu ngaji pukul 6 petang. So selalulah kitorang bagi alasan ada aktiviti kat sekolah. Aktiviti habis pukul 6 petang. Kitorang saja la balik lambat-lambat supaya Tok Bilal tu tak tunggu. Sebab dia kan Bilal, kena la pegi masjid sebelum masuk waktu Maghrib kan?

Tapi satu hari tu kitorang dah 'terkena' dengan mak. Kitorang balik pukul 6.30 petang. Tup-tup tengok Tok Bilal tu dok tunggu lagi kat rumah. Macam segmen 'Gua Kena Beb' je masa tu. Dalam pada tu pun, aku khatam Al-Quran buat pertama kali masa aku Darjah 5 tu la. Kali kedua masa aku Form 3. Tapi tak pernah pun mak buat majlis khatam Al-Quran untuk aku. Except masa Form 3 tu buat ramai-ramai kat Surau. Majlis khatam Al-Quran buat hari aku nak nikah dulu je.


Selain dari mengaji, dititikberatkan juga soal sembahyang. Itu sudah tentulah kan. Tapi bab sembahyang ni aku rasa yang paling banyak pengaruhi aku ialah Mak Long (arwah). Oleh sebab banyak gak masa aku dok dengan dia kat Kuala Atok tu, maka dia pun selalulah juga bawak aku ge surau kampung tu. Terutamanya bila ada kenduri-kendara. Arwah jugalah yang jahitkan telekung aku yang pertama. Aku ingat lagi telekung tu...memang sedang-sedang je dengan saiz aku yang ketot masa tu. He he....

Bila dah besar, dah pandai sembahyang sendiri, kadang-kadang aku jemaah dengan Tok. Kadang-kadang sembahyang sendiri (bila dah melewat-lewatkan sembahyang...mana nak dan jemaah dengan Tok. Dia selalu on time punya).



Yang paling sadis bila belajar puasa la. Aku start belajar puasa masa Darjah 1. Tak de main setengah-setengah hari deh. Upahnya satu hari singgit. Mana ada setengah hari punya upah. Sampai melepek-lepek ler aku menahan lapar dahaga. Mandi tiga kali sehari...lama-lama lak tu. Memang selalu kena 'sound' dek mak "Jangan minum air". Mak aku tu memang ada kuasa psikik...tau je menda anak dia nak buat.

Aku masih ingat lagi satu hari tu masa kat sekolah, puasa aku 'terbatal' sebab aku terlupa. Bila tengok member-member makan aiskrim, aku pun makan. Dah habis makan aiskrim aku makan lak kudap-kudap. Dah balik rumah petang tu baru teringat aku puasa! Mak kata 'Terlupa tak apa". He he.

Habuan kalau puasa penuh satu hari ni memang ler hebat, der. Makan minum semua dilayan habis. Nak minum apa (favourite masa tu sirap bandung), nak makan apa, mintak je. Siap boleh join dok kat meja lagi. Kalau tak puasa, tak leh join orang tua-tua makan. Kena dok atas tikar je. Bangun sahur jangan ceritalah...aku rasa macam kena seret je pegi ke dapur tu. Tengah makan, kepala kat atas meja.

Cerita pasal ibadat ni, teringat aku pada sorang Wan Engku ni. Kitorang pun tak tau sangat nama betul dia sapa. Selalu kitorang panggil dia Wan Engku Yang Rajin Puasa. Sebab tiap kali jumpa dia, mesti dia tengah puasa. Dan diorang kata dia memang rajin puasa, terutamanya puasa Isnin & Khamis tu.

Sekarang ni bila aku dah lalui berbagai-bagai masalah sepanjang hidup aku, memang aku akui la pegangan agama tu tersangatlah pentingnya untuk 'survival'. Bak kata orang, walaupun iman tu senipis kulit bawang...kalau ia dapat mengembalikan kita ke jalan yang benar...itu kan dah satu rahmat yang besar...?

Dari Abu Umamah r.a., bahawasanya seseorang bertanya kepada Rasulullah saw., "Wahai Rasulullah, apa iman itu?" Baginda menjawab, "Apabila amal baikmu membuatmu senang dan amal burukmu membuatmu susah (sedih), bererti engkau adalah seorang mukmin (orang beriman)." (Hr. Hakim dan menurutnya shahih, disepakati oleh ad Dzahabi I/13,14). - Muntakhab Ahadith.

Atuk Nak Balik

"Terima kasih banyak-banyak, Din. Bila dah sampai nanti, aku call kau ya", berkali-kali dia mengucapkan ayat itu setelah kunci kereta dicapai dari Nordin.

"Tak kisahlah. Asalkan kau selamat sampai. Berhati-hati memandu, dah pukul 2 pagi ni. Jangan drive laju-laju sangat...take your time. Beristighfar banyak-banyak, okay?" sambut Nordin. Jelas kelihatan kerisauannya terhadap keselamatan teman sekerjanya itu.

"Insya-Allah. Terima kasih, Din. Aku gerak dulu", katanya lagi sebelum memandu keluar dari situ.

Sepanjang perjalanan itu dia tidak putus-putus membaca surah Al-Fatihah. Pedal minyak itu ditekan sehabis mungkin. Hendak saja dia tiba di kampung secepat yang boleh. Namun apakan daya...perjalanan itu tentu saja akan memakan masa lebih kurang enam jam, pada kebiasaannya. Tetapi dia yakin, malam itu dia akan tiba lebih cepat dari yang dijangka. Tidak pernah dia memandu selaju itu. Apatah lagi pada waktu malam... Menggunakan kereta pinjam pula.

Dia tidak pernah meminjam kereta orang lain untuk pulang ke kampung. Cuak juga rasa di hati, memandu kereta orang sejauh itu. Kalaulah terjadi apa-apa nanti...'Ah! Insya-Allah, aku akan selamat sampai', bisiknya dalam hati.

'Tok, tunggu Adik ya. Adik nak balik ni', bisiknya sendirian. Airmatanya mula berguguran.

Beberapa jam sebelum itu, dia dikejutkan dari tidur oleh kunjungan Wari. Wari cuba menghubunginya melalui nombor telefon bimbit tetapi tidak berjaya.

"Kat sini tak ada signal", jelasnya kepada Wari.

Sebaik menerima perkhabaran yang dibawa Wari, dia terus ke tempat kerja yang tidak begitu jauh dari rumah sewanya. Dia harus menelefon ke kampung untuk memastikan samada perkhabaran itu benar atau tidak. Hatinya berdebar-debar.

"Mak, Adik ni. Betul ke?", soalnya sebaik mendengar suara ibunya menjawab telefon. Tidak sempat memberi salam.

"Ya, betul. Lepas Maghrib tadi", jawab ibunya perlahan. Dia terkesima.

"Innalillahi-wa innaillahiroji'un. Kenapa mak tak bagitau?". desaknya pula. Dia mula tersedu.

"Mak dah cuba telefon handphone kamu tapi tak dapat. Itupun mak teringat nombor Wari. Lagipun mak tak nak kamu risau. Nanti kamu nak balik malam-malam ni. Kamu jangan balik lagi ya? Esok pagi je balik", jawab ibunya lagi. Lembut, memujuk.

"Bila nak kebumi?", soalnya lagi.

"Tak tau lagi. Katanya esok pagi. Sebelum Zohor ke, lepas Zohor ke, tak tau lagi", jawab ibunya lagi.

"Adik balik malam ni juga. Abang dah tau?", dia bertekad.

"Abang dah tau dah, tapi belum sampai lagi. Kamu jangan baliklah, hari dah jauh malam ni. Esok pagi je balik. Ya?", ibunya cuba memujuk lagi.

"Tak apa. Adik balik juga. Mak tunggu je kat sana", tegasnya lalu meletakkan telefon.

Keadaan lebuhraya memang gelap dan dia sentiasa perlu berhati-hati. Hanya beberapa buah kenderaan sahaja yang kelihatan. Dia hanya berhenti seketika untuk mengisi minyak. Kemudian dia meneruskan perjalanan ke kampung, tanpa henti. Dia tidak lagi merasa penat atau mengantuk akibat dari perjalanan jauh itu.

Sebaik tiba di kampung, hanya beberapa orang sahaja saudara-mara terdekat yang dilihatnya. 'Mana orang lain?' detik hatinya. Sekilas pandang, jam di tangan menunjukkan pukul 8 pagi.

"Assalamu'alaikum", sapanya kepada Pak Itam yang sedang duduk di beranda. Ada seorang lain di situ, yang tidak dikenalinya.

"Wa'alaikumussalam. Kamu sorang je?", tegur Pak Itam.

"Sorang. Dari Johor terus ke sini. Orang lain mana?", soalnya pula lalu bersalam dan mencium tangan Pak Itam. Dia menghadiahkan senyuman kepada orang yang tidak dikenalinya itu.

"Belum sampai lagi", jawab Pak Itam.

"Wah! Kereta baru?", seloroh Pak Itam.

"Uh! Tak lah. Pinjam kereta kawan", jawabnya.

"Pergilah naik", ujar Pak Itam.

Hatinya sedikit bercelaru untuk naik ke atas rumah. Dia sudah membayangkan sekujur tubuh kaku berada di pembaringan, di tengah-tengah rumah. Di kelilingi pula oleh orang-orang yang membaca surah Yaasin. Lantas dia masuk melalui pintu dapur. Hanya saja untuk menenangkan hatinya buat seketika.

Dia bersalaman dengan semua yang ada di situ. Ibunya mengucapkan syukur kerana dia sudah selamat sampai. Mak Long dipeluk dan diciumnya berkali-kali. Kemudiannya dia duduk bersila di situ memerhatikan gelagat orang-orang yang sedang membuat tugasan masing-masing di dapur itu. Dia terpandangkan katil bujang di sudut dapur. Katil yang sudah tidak berpenghuni. Terus dia mengalihkan pandangannya.

Keadaan agak sunyi...masing-masing melayan perasaan, mungkin. Ada yang berbual, tetapi tidak begitu kedengaran. Hanya kedengaran kuat suara beberapa orang membaca Yaasin dan antara suara yang dikenalinya ialah suara ayahnya dan suara Mak Ngah. 'Semua anak-anaknya dah ada di sini' hatinya berbisik. 'Tapi kenapa yang di KL belum sampai?' bisiknya lagi. 'Abang pun tak ada lagi'.

"Ha! Bila kamu sampai?", tegur Mak Ngah.

Dia terkejut. Baru saja didengari suaranya membaca Yaasin, tiba-tiba saja orangnya muncul di hadapan mata.

"Baru je, Mak Ngah. Bila Mak Ngah sampai?" sambutnya sambil bersalam dan mencium tangan Mak Ngah.

"Kitorang malam tadi dah sampai. Tapi dah tengah malam jugalah", jawab Mak Ngah.

"Pergilah naik. Bacakan Yaasin. Jangan lupa ambik wudhu' dulu", ujar Mak Ngah.

Dengan rasa berat hati dia bangkit untuk mengambil wudhu' lalu menuju ke tangga untuk naik ke ibu rumah. Hatinya berdebar-debar. Dia cuba untuk menahan perasaan sebak di dadanya. Dia tidak mahu menangis. Dia akan cuba kuatkan semangatnya. Anak-anak tangga dinaiki perlahan-lahan.

Kemudiannya dia melihat sekujur tubuh itu, yang ditutupi dengan kain batik lepas. Terbujur kaku di tengah rumah. Dia cuba lagi untuk menahan airmatanya dari berguguran. Dengan perlahan dia duduk di sisi tubuh itu. Dipegang tangan yang sedang qiam. Keras. Kaku.

"Tok, Adik dah sampai", ucapnya perlahan.

"Terima kasih, sebab Tok tunggu Adik. Tok dah tak sakit lagi kan? Lepas ni Tok dah boleh jumpa dengan Wan", bisiknya lagi seolah-olah tubuh yang kaku itu boleh mendengar tiap bait bicaranya. Dan akhirnya dia kalah juga. Sedannya yang pertama diiringi airmata dan kemudiannya tidak tertahankan lagi.

Dia mencapai surah Yaasin yang berada di situ.

"Tok, kali ni kita baca Yaasin sampai habis ya? Hari tu Adik nak bacakan, Tok tak nak dengar", ucapnya lalu memulakan pembacaan.

Tetapi pembacaannya tersekat-sekat oleh sedu-sedan yang kian meninggi. Airmatanya bercucuran tidak dapat dihentikan lagi. Sesekali dia cuba menyeka airmatanya. Namun ia berguguran terus. Akhirnya dibiarkan sahaja begitu.

Dia terkilan. Tidak berkesempatan untuk berada di sisi atuk kesayangannya tatkala dia menghembuskan nafas terakhir. Terasa baru sahaja minggu lepas dia pulang untuk menghabiskan masa di kampung bersama dengan atuknya itu. Hanya tiga hari sahaja dia di sana, kerana terpaksa pulang semula demi tuntutan tugas.

Keadaan atuk ketika itu sudah tidak begitu memuaskan. Terbaring di atas sebuah katil bujang di sudut dapur, dia sudah tidak mengenali anak-anaknya apatah lagi saudara-mara lain. Tubuhnya kurus kering, hanya tinggal kulit dan tulang sahaja. Tidak lagi berdaya untuk berdiri. Perlu dipapah untuk didudukkan di kerusi roda. Perlu dipapah juga untuk masuk ke bilik mandi. Dan sepanjang waktu itu atuk asyik marah-marah kononnya orang tidak peduli samada dia sakit atau tidak.

Jari-jari atuk hitam pekat diselaputi najisnya sendiri. Dinding di tepi katil pembaringannya juga habis terpalit dengan najis. Tatkala melihatkan keadaan atuk yang dhaif itu, dia menghela nafas panjang sambil beristighfar. Maka tiga hari di sana dia bertindak seperti seorang jururawat, membersihkan pesakit yang tidak mampu bangun dari pembaringan. Dibersihkan najis atuk menggunakan kain dan sebesen air. Sepanjang waktu itu atuk mendiamkan diri. Mungkin menyedari dia sedang dibersihkan.Mungkin juga dia merasa selesa apabila dibersihkan.

Semua cadar dan selimut atuk ditukar dengan yang baru. Apabila semuanya telah selesai, dia memotong pula kuku atuk. Berkerak dengan najis yang dah kering. Anehnya dia tidak merasa jijik melihatkan keadaan itu. 'Mungkin inilah yang dikatakan usia pikun', bisiknya dalam hati. Walaupun telah dibersihkan, celahan kuku atuk masih lagi berkerak dan sukar untuk dibersihkan. Maka apabila tiba waktu makan, dia menyuruh atuk makan dengan sudu tetapi telah ditolak oleh orang tua itu. atuk berkeras hendak makan dengan tangan sehingga dia diherdik oleh orang tua itu.

"Bodoh!" herdik atuk kepadanya.

"Dah orang tak nak tu, tak naklah!" sambung atuk lagi sambil menggapai-gapai nasi di dalam pinggan.

Dia agak terasa dengan keadaan atuk seperti itu. Kerana atuk selalunya seorang yang sangat mementingkan kebersihan.

Pada suatu petang, agak kecoh di dapur. Dia berlari untuk melihat. Atuk sedang terkesot-kesot menghala ke arah pintu yang terbuka luas. Mak Itam bising-bising bertanya ke mana atuk hendak pergi.

"Nak balik", jawab atuk.

"Tok nak pegi mana ni?", dia pula menyoal.

"Nak balik", jawab atuk lagi.

"Ini kan rumah Tok ni. Tok nak balik ke mana lagi?" jawabnya.

Dengan bersusah-payah dipapah orang tua itu untuk naik semula ke katil. Pak Itam sudah keluar ke kedai membeli barang keperluan. Walaupun hanya tinggal tulang dan kulit, bukanlah suatu kederat mudah bagi seorang yang kecil sepertinya untuk memapah atuk. Apatah lagi bila orang tua itu sendiri tidak merelakan dirinya diangkat.

Selama dia di sana, dia sering memerhatikan tingkah-laku atuk. Sekiranya tidak tidur, atuk akan berbual sendirian. Entah apa saja yang dibualkan, tidak begitu kedengaran buah-butirnya. Atuk akan berbual hingga tengah malam. Apabila ditanya dia berbual dengan siapa, atuk mendiamkan diri. Kadang-kadang dia akan mengangkat tangannya seolah-olah seperti cuba menggapai sesuatu. Apabila ditanya apa yang dicarinya, atuk akan mendiamkan diri juga.

Salah satu dari malam itu dia cuba membacakan surah Yaasin kepada atuk. Tetapi tidak dapat diselesaikan kerana atuk membuang air besar lagi.

Dan hari ini akan dia cuba menghabiskan pembacaannya walaupun tersekat-sekat. Hari semakin meninggi. Sepupu-sepupunya yang dari KL juga sudah sampai dan turut membacakan surah Yaasin bersama. Abang juga turut bersama mereka. Dalam pada itu juga semakin ramai datang menziarah. Arwah atuk agak terkenal juga di sekitar kampung itu. Siapa tidak kenal dengan Aki Nyang.

Pada suatu ketika, kain penutup muka atuk dibuka seseorang. Ada yang ingin menatap wajahnya untuk kali terakhir. Dia pun tidak dapat tidak, mengerling juga ke arah wajah itu. Wajah yang menjadi kesayangannya selama ini. Airmatanya bercucuran lebih deras lagi. Wajah itu...seolah-olahnya sedang tidur nyenyak. Tiada lagi kerutan kesakitan. Tiada lagi senyum sungging dari mulut yang tidak bergigi itu. Dan dia tidak dapat lagi menahan dirinya. Dia bingkas bangun meluru ke dapur dan meraung di tepi pintu.

"Sudahlah, jangan menangis. Dia dah tak ada. Hari tu kamu dah puas jaga dia, kan? Doakan yang baik-baik untuk dia dengan arwah wan", Mak Long datang memujuk.

Tetapi sebak di hatinya tidak tertahankan lagi. Manakan mungkin dia dapat melupakan. Dia dilahirkan di rumah itu. Dibesarkan di situ, di bawah jagaan atuk dan wan. Mereka tempat dia bermanja. Dengan atuklah kebanyakan dari masanya dihabiskan ketika dia masih kecil. Dia sering mengikut atuk ke pekan, kalau dia bangun awal pagi. Sebelum ke pasar, mereka singgah minum air milo dan makan roti canai di kedai Ah Beng. Dia juga sering menemankan atuk menonton cerita Hindi atau Cina di televisyen setiap petang. Kadang-kadang hampir bertelagah kerana masing-masing cuba menelaah jalan ceritanya. Setiap petang jugalah mereka akan minum dan makan pisang goreng, ubi goreng, bubur kacang, bubur jagung atau pelbagai lagi juadah, di depan televisyen itu. Waktu malam, ada ketikanya dia menemankan atuk menonton 'Wrestling' bila atuk tidur lewat sikit dari biasa.

Atuklah yang mengajarnya mengaji, bermula dengan Muqaddam hingga dia naik Al-Quran. Atuk juga mengajar dia cara untuk sembahyang jemaah dan atuklah yang menjadi imamnya. Kadang-kadang dia akan ikut atuk membaca Yaasin. Atuk pasti akan solat tepat pada waktunya. Apabila atuk sudah tidak dapat membaca lagi, dia akan membacakan akhbar Utusan Melayu kepada atuk. Atuk puji dia pandai membaca tulisan jawi. Itulah akhbar kegemaran atuk sejak dulu.

Walaupun setelah dia memasuki alam pekerjaan, dia tidak pernah lupa untuk menjenguk atuk di kampung setiap kali pulang bercuti.

Sekarang, atuk kesayangannya itu sudah tiada. Segala kenangan yang dilalui bersama atuk di sepanjang hidupnya akan menjadi suatu kenangan yang tidak akan dapat dilupakannya. Banyak perkara yang cuba dididik oleh atuk sejak dia kecil tetapi tidak diendahkannya. Terutamanya bab sembahyang tepat pada waktu, yang selalunya dilewat-lewatkan hingga kadangkala tercicir.

Hari ini dia insaf...Pada hari kematiannya, atuk tidak lagi membuang air besar seperti selalu. Malah ketika jenazahnya dimandikan tidak setitis pun najis keluar dari perutnya. Subhanallah! Urusan menyempurnakan jenazahnya juga berjalan dengan lancar. Agak ramai juga yang hadir untuk menziarah dan melakukan solat jenazah. Tengahari itu cerah tetapi tidak begitu terik.

Selesai disembahyangkan di rumah, jenazah atuk dibawa menaiki kereta jenazah ke Kampung Sega di Raub, tempat asal atuk untuk dikebumikan di sana. Dia turut menaiki kereta jenazah hingga tiba di sana, sambil membacakan surah Al-Fatihah dan yang lain-lainnya. Kemudian jenazah atuk disembahyangkan pula di masjid kampung itu. Kali ini semakin ramai yang menyertai sembahyang jenazah itu. Atuk dikebumikan berhampiran dengan pusara wan, isteri kesayangannya yang telah pergi lebih dahulu daripadanya. Kini, mereka telah di'pertemu'kan semula.

Selesai upacara pengkebumian, barulah dia tersedar. Hajat atuk 'nak balik' dah tercapai. Atuk dah pun balik ke tempat asalnya. Dan Atuk dah tau lebih dulu.




Thursday 10 June 2010

Gloomy Sunday - The Hungarian Suicide Song

Gloomy Sunday - Sarah McLachlan

Sunday is Gloomy,
My hours are slumberless,
Dearest the shadows
I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will
never awaken you
Not where the black coach
of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought of
ever returning you
Would they be angry
if I thought of joining you
Gloomy Sunday!


Sunday is gloomy
with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have
decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles
and prayers that are said,
I know, but let them not weep,
let them know
that I'm glad to go



Death is no dream,
for in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my
soul I'll be blessing you
Gloomy Sunday


Dreaming
I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you
asleep in the deep of
my heart dear

Darling I hope that my dream
never haunted you
My heart is telling you
how much I wanted you


Gloomy Sunday
Gloomy Sunday

Wednesday 9 June 2010

When They're Gone



My heart goes out to En. Saudi Sulaiman from Muadzam Shah, Pahang, who lost his wife and all his four children in a tragic accident recently. It goes beyond words to try and imagine how big his lost was. His wife, Nor Faizah Mansur, 31, her four children and her younger brother died on the spot when the car that she was driving towards Pekan collided with a lorry. The Rescue team said the prime mover of the lorry was on top of the car's roof and it took them about 3 hours to get the bodies out from the wreck.

It saddened me a lot to think that En. Saudi lost those that he loves in a split second, without being able to say goodbye; and while he was out working elsewhere. It was reported that he cried out loud when he went into the morgue to find the lifeless bodies of his wife, kids and younger brother. As he looked at each body in turn, he called out their names. He was especially devastated when he looked at the body of his only son, Md. Shahrul Amir, 3 because they were very close.

It is indeed a huge lost. Think about it. Yesterday, they were one as a family and now he's all alone. Who would he go back home to? Who would he laugh with? Who would he scold, for not finishing their school work? Who would he take out to the stores? Who would prepare his food for Sahur and Break Fasting during the Ramadhan? Who would prepare his clothes for the upcoming Raya celebration?

These are all the big things in life and yet some of us tend to take advantage of 'em. Don't ever think that saying "I Love You" to your spouse or your kids is 'not necessary' or that 'they should know'. You'd regret for not saying it, when they're gone. Don't ever say things that you might regret when you were quarelling...you'll never know when you'd be able to take those words back. Don't ever forget to say "I'm sorry" immediately after every quarrel (or scolding your kids)...for you might not know if you'd ever have the chance to say it. Don't ever lose the chance of looking into their face with love and affection, especially when they're asleep...for you might not know if you'd be able to look at them again tomorrow.

As the saying goes "We'd only learn to appreciate those that we love, when we have lost them". So, take heed of the tragic that has befallen En. Saudi. Embrace your loved ones now and tell them that you love them, with all your heart. Kids, learn to appreciate your parents and your siblings. Even if you despise them or you think you can live without them, you'd only know the difference...when they're gone.

Al-Fatihah:

Nor Faizah Mansur, 31
Nur Sahera Atikah Saudi, 13
Nor Safiana Atikah Saudi, 10
Nor Suhaila Asirah Saudi, 7
Md. Sahrul Amir Saudi, 3
Mohamad Saiful Anwar Mansur, 14


"(To the righteous soul will be said:) "O (thou) soul, in (complete) rest and satisfaction! Come back thou to thy Lord, well pleased (thyself), and well-pleasing unto Him! Enter thou, then, among My devotees! Yea, enter thou My Heaven!" - Al Fajr:27-30