HEARTBREAKS

I have been thinking about this for a few days now. I feel the need to send this message out to the world.

At first, I wanted to make a video of it. But I don't want people to be mistaken belief that I am still thinking of my past.

That's not the intention why I'm writing this.

I have a VERY SERIOUS message to send out. Please bear with me.

Heartbreaks seem like a usual growing up and life process. I'm sure, 9 out of 10 of you have experienced this at some point in your life. And you know how it feels.

I cannot take it when people say "move on" or "forget her/him" to someone who had just experienced a heartbreak.

Get this, people: IT'S NOT JUST A FREAKING HEARTBREAK!

This is not a drama that we get to see on TV. This is for real. Heartbreaks are the evil of all dark emotions.

A simple heartbreak can cause the life of a person. Trust me, I know.
You see, heartbreaks can lead to a lot of limiting beliefs and dark emotions. Apart from feeling frustrated, these are some of the deeper emotions that someone who has suffered a heartbreak can feel:

1. FEAR - heartbreaks lead to fear of losing someone whom we love, fear of being rejected, fear of being left alone, fear of not being wanted and fear of trusting someone else.

2. LOW SELF-ESTEEM - heartbreaks caused someone to have a low self-esteem. They felt that they were not good enough and that's why the person whom they loved, left them. Having such low self-esteem can even cause that person to become anti-social, they will shut themselves out from the world, they can become hermits.

3. ANGER - heartbreaks can turn someone into a grouch who in turn will cause him/her to experience anger management issue. He/she can't be angry at the person whom have left them, because they love that person very much. So they vent their anger at the rest of the world.

4. SADNESS - someone who suffered a heartbreak is as sad as someone whose loved ones died. They suffer the feeling of loss. Their sadness is beyond words.

5. GUILT - the feeling of guilt would arise when they think that they have cause the person to leave them. Probably something that they have said or do or didn't say and didn't do.

6. REGRET - especially when he/she has spent a lot of time and effort to be with that person whom he/she loved. Deeper regret is felt when the relationship that they had was supposed to bring them to the altar (dais). They would live with such remorseful feeling for as long as they could.

7. DESPONDENT / DEJECTED - someone who experienced this feeling after a heartbreak can make them feel depressed. They will give up hope, give up the will to live and give up the need to be happy again.

8. VINDICTIVE - having the vengeance against the person who hurt them, is normal, so to speak. But the darkest form of vengeance is when they let it out on others. They will break other people's heart carelessly or even cause other relationships to break, just to satisfy their own vindictive feeling.
Some people would have all these feelings mixed together. Unknowingly, they would carry on with these feelings even when they have found another love.

To those fortunate, they would snap out of these dark emotions and continue living. However, to some unfortunate ones, these feelings would lead to depression. Depression would lead to suicidal thoughts and if left untreated, these suicidal thoughts could cause them their lives.

You see, it's not "just another heartbreak".

IN ALL EARNEST, IN ALL SINCERITY AND IN THE NAME OF HUMANITY, I BEG OF YOU...HUSBANDS, WIVES, BOYFRIENDS, GIRLFRIENDS, LOVERS...TO PLEASE... PLEASE... PLEASE.... PLEASE.... BE COMPASSIONATE WHEN YOU WANT TO BREAK SOMEONE'S HEART.

IF YOU REALLY HAVE TO DO IT, PLEASE HAVE THE COURAGE TO FACE THAT PERSON AND TELL THEM NICELY. MAN UP! MOST IMPORTANTLY, APOLOGIZE FOR HAVING TO DO THAT TO THEM.

DON'T TREAT THEM LIKE SHIT. DON'T JUST DUMP THEM LIKE THEY DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU. DON'T TREAT THEM LIKE THEY HAVE NO FEELINGS.

I BEG OF YOU.

PLEASE....

P/S: Kindly share this message. I'd appreciate it very much.

Regards,
ZADE

Holding on to the Past

Sometimes I wonder, what makes me always thinking of the past. Why, at some point, I still couldn't move on.

Someone made me realize that I have been harping on the past and keep on thinking about it. She suggested that I should let it go. I've been holding on to the past for so long. I know it's dragging me down. I'm not happy.

There are things that I couldn't let go. I'm afraid if I do, I will lose the memory. Good or bad. As if the memories are the only things that can keep me going, moving ahead. When in fact, they are just dragging me back.

I'm not moving. Not progressing at all. Even when there are 'some' development. Actually, there's nothing much. Frankly. And sadly.

As I sit and type this, all those memories, all those feelings, came flooding back. However, this time I'm making them conscious. I want to see and feel them. I want to know how it really feels at its darkest moment.

Fear. That's what I'm feeling after the deaths of my parents and my elder brother. It came in the form of sadness. Disguised itself so that I couldn't realize it for what it actually was.

Guilt. That's what I felt after my elder brother passed on. I felt guilty because I wasn't able to do the best that I should, for him, when he needed me. Guilt because I knew I should have done more. However, the fear that I felt kept me away from him.

Self-pity. I've had this for the longest time. I think probably it went back to my teenage years. Or probably since I was a young child. Pity myself for not having the love and attention that I wanted. This is the deepest feeling that I have ever felt. One which even my alter ego wouldn't confessed of having.

Self-pity was also the reason why I feel dejected all these while. The reason why I had the suicidal thoughts not too long ago. The reason why I refused to let go of the past. By far, I think this is the cruellest form of a dark feeling.

At some point, I knew these were the reason why I kept on changing my lifestyle and my needs. I didn't actually know what I want until I realised these were the darkest secret that my own being have been keeping from me.

Now that I know, I need to deal with them. Once and for all!