Five Years in Summary

Soon, very soon, 2015 is going to leave us. And soon, very soon, 2016 will come a knocking.

Reflecting on my life the past 6 years, this is to summarise it:
2010 - Anger & Frustration
2011 - Repentance
2012 & 2013 - Sadness
2014 - Trying Hard To Forget
2015 - Peace & Coming Home

For 2016, I place my hope. So it'll be a year of Hope.

Reflection

Tonight I had the chance to reflect on my life. I mean, really reflect.

I have carried this hurt, this pain, this frustration and this disappointment for 20 years. Yes, that is a long time. In suffering those feelings, I became angry and laid it out on other people. I wasn't being a happy person. I wasn't being me. I blamed it on those who have hurt me, those whom I consider the cause of this hurt, this pain, this frustration, this disappointment. People often say "time would heal". I can't deny that. Yes, time would heal. But it took me 20 years! That was almost half my life.

I've wasted away my youth. I was trying to find 'true happiness' and yet, I led myself to being hurt one after another. Then I became a workaholic. I failed to see all the beautiful things that have happened to me along the way. I wasn't being ungrateful, no. I was only living my life on 'auto pilot' (if you know what I mean). I couldn't appreciate the life that I was living. How foolish of me.

Then, God gave me the opportunity to heal. He showed me how to find myself. Again. I am glad. Because then I was able to really get it into my head and my heart that all these while, it wasn't those people who made my life miserable. It was me. I failed to understand that it was all fated. Written in my Book long before I was put into my mother's womb. I know about it, but I failed to make my thoughts and my feelings understand it. But since God has opened my heart to Him, I finally do understand. The feeling was like coming out to the open after being shut in a dark room. Everything became clear to me. And I really felt like a bonehead!

As Jennifer Steed would have put it, I "came home". I am now at peace. I am myself. I am so grateful that Allah has given me this chance yet again to find my true path. Allah is the AlMighty. He made everything happen according to His Qudrah and Iradah. Indeed, He has given me everything that I NEED. And I realise that now. And I pray that He will guide me on the right path til the day I go back to Him. Insya Allah.

‪#‎AllahKnowsBest‬