Against All Odds

How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you

You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cause we shared the laugh to round the pain
And even shed the tears

You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
Who has just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just a memory of your face

Take a look at me now
Who has just an empty space
And you coming back to me
Is against the odds
And thats what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around to see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why

You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

Take a look at me now
Who has just an empty space
But to wait for you is all I can do
It's the chance I've got to take

This one is dedicated especially for Jack. I hope you'd listen to the song by Phil Collins. Every word....is true to the meaning.

Sign from Above?

For the past few days, I've experienced some weird things. Not that 'something' happened...but some words that 'came' to me unexpectedly. And it happened a few times.

I told a friend via SMS not to measure himself up against those fortunates but to measure himself down against those unfortunates. So that he'll count his blessings and be grateful with what he has. Not long after that, I came across similar verse in the book I'm reading (The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari) that says 'never get into the petty habit of measuring your self-worth againats other people's net worth'.

Then my friend responded to one of my SMS very very much later saying that 'things happen for a reason. No regrets'. And that was exactly the same verse that I read in the book a few hours before. "...yet I have learned that everything happens for a reason. ...Never regret your past. Rather, embrace it as the teacher as it is".

What does all these mean? I'm sure they were coincidences. And I'm sure that He wants me to do something...to forget about the past and never to regret any of it. Because that was exactly what I'm feeling right now. I kept thinking of my past and wonder about the 'what ifs' when I know I would never be able to bring any of them forth. How could I turn back time? Who was I kidding anyway...Myself, that's who.

Instead, I have to move forward. I have to count my own blessings and be grateful with all the love I have around me. I know he loves me and in return he'll always be dear to me. I'll keep him deep inside my heart and will remember him always. I have to focus on what I'm supposed to be doing and achieve success.

Thank you, God. You have been very kind to me. Alhamdulillah.

Self Actualisation

At this point in time, it keeps me thinking of the direction towards where I'm going. Allah has answered my prayers to get away from the routine 9-5 job which I did only because I wanted the $$$. But then it doesn't matter anymore because there's no more fun at work.

Having all these idle times, I could not help but remembering that I was once a bubbly, happy-go-lucky gal with no cares and no worries in this world. Now I've become a grouch. I've lost my sense of humour...I don't know how to enjoy myself anymore...Though I laughed at the antics brought by the two kids, it was somehow full of hollow. The laughter...it's not fulfilling. What's happening? I wonder...

I think I'm losing my sense of direction again. So I'll have to find it back...seek solace from the AlMighty and pray that He would guide me back to peace.

I've been reading a lot lately. In most of the material that I've read, somehow the same question pops up : What are the things that you like to do most? And guess what...I couldn't find the answer! I love to read, that's for sure.

Going Through The Tunnel

As it is, I'm still walking inside the tunnel. It's dark and a bit scary. I know there's gonna be light on the other side and I'll just have to walk on. Time is pressing... I have to be more productive and should not linger anymore.

I have this project in hand. But I don't know how to go about charging for the fees. How could you charge fees on information that people can easily get through the Internet? Well, I can charge them based on the services I provide when they come here. But...(again), how much? Ohh...really need to get another brain storming session.

I'm having a headache now. Better sleep on it. Gud nite luv.

Just Another Update

I've been through a lot lately, especially these past few months. But I'm not going to go into details on what has happened. Let's just say that I've quit my 5-figured-pay job in early Feb and now I'm a fulltime housewife. Well..I'd like to term it as Director of Domestic Affairs, just to make it sounds like corporate.

It wasn't a bad idea though, resigning. Now I have more time with my kids (a lot more, actually) and I have flexible time on my hands. Routine job...it's still there, with the house chores and all that, but I could do all that in my own sweet time. But I think I need to be more organised so that I could optimise my time and my effort. Guess I'm still trying to get the hang of it now.

And I couldn't just hang around and do the house chores while my husband labourously work through with his pay to ensure all the loans are served. I have to do something...a lot of things, in order to gain some income. And I've had quite an exposure for the past few weeks so by now I know the 'How'. I'm just stuck a bit on the 'What'. I was supposed to think of what are the possible things I could market on the Internet...could be my hobby, my passion, my expertise, my knowledge. Help me out a bit..

My hobby is reading, that's my passion too. I love knowledege. My expertise would be in the thing that I did during my working days...investor relations. So what could I market??? Pening...pening...pening...waiting for a sign.