How do you deal with the loss of a loved one?
Once, I care not about this question. Though a very long time ago, when I was 12 years old, I would often dreamed of my mother passing away and I would cry in my sleep.
When my father died in 2012, I was in a short bereavement because I could comprehend the fact that he died in a blessed way. It was Ramadhan, the holy month of Islam and it was also on a Friday, the day of all days. People said that if one passed away on Friday, means he is a blessed soul. I guess Abah was doubly blessed. Not only did he passed away on Friday, but it was the holy month as well.
Besides, at that time I still had my mom to think of. Not too long after my dad's passing, she fell ill so I had to take care of her. While working and taking care of my two young kids, I had my hands' full and not so much time left to grieve.
But after my mom passed on in 2013, it was too much to bear. Probably because I felt guilty for not taking care of her as much as I should. Probably because she was my mother, the woman who had given birth to me and took care of me since I was a baby. Probably because I felt like I had no one else to turn to, now. As a muslim, I was supposed to accept the fate that every living things will die including humans. From God do we come, to Him we shall return. I did accept the fact that she was gone and will never come back. However, the feeling of sadness...oh, God! Didn't seem to go away. Was it sadness, was it guilt, was it lost, I don't know. I was in grieve. That's all I know.
Immediately after she passed away, it was as if she had taken a part of my life along with her. My spirits died with her. I had no more passion to work, I had no more need for laughter, I couldn't even bring myself to take care of my kids. Everything just....died. It was a very dreadful feeling. Emptiness. Void. Something is amiss. That kind of feeling.
I realised that it took me almost two years to get over it. TWO YEARS! Throughout those years I prayed and prayed and prayed and I cried and cried and cried and I read the Quran and its translation, something that I had never done before.
So, how did I know that I had gotten over the grieve?
It was this feeling of peace that I could finally let go of my mom and her memories. Not forgetting. But letting go.
Now the cycle begins again, after my brother died. It was too hard for me. Probably the same ol' feeling of guilt, for not taking care of him enough, not doing enough and not trying hard enough. Probably all those sadness from my father's passing and my mother's came flooding back.On top of all that, I think was this feeling that I had no one to turn to, anymore. The attachment is not here anymore. It's gone. Like a lifeline that I've been holding on to, for many many years...and suddenly it's been cut off. Or like daylight that suddenly turns to darkness.
After almost four months, I am still grieving. Deep down inside, I am still in bereavement. Even though publicly, physically, mentally, I may not have shown the traces of grieve. I still am. Physically, it is taking a toll on my health. I've been constantly sick, subconsciously. Not really in my top form. Mentally I am in an auto-pilot mode. Not really thinking on my feet.
No, it is not something that we can turn on and off like a switch. It is something that we have to endure and only time would tell when we will get out of it. IF we would ever get out of it. Some people die in their grieve. They never did get out. So I'm praying for God to grant me peace. To give His Love and Kindness to get over this pain, this suffering, this grieve. Because I still have my husband and my kids who needs me. I still have to live this life, for myself.
In time, I'm sure, I will get over this grieve. "When?" is the question I can't answer. If God is willing, I will heal in no time.
How did you get over your grieving period? What did you do? How long did it take you to get over the loss of your loved ones? Mind sharing this with me. Perhaps it will also give me some sort of relief.
