Sacrifice, what?

A few years ago, I experienced a very difficult time in my life. I didn’t have a job yet I had so much financial commitments, too heavy a burden for my husband to carry alone. Day by day tension gripped our lives and the situation became worse. I had to borrow lots of money from family and friends just to ensure that the companies didn’t file bankruptcy against me. I became hostile towards my husband because I thought that he was unable to fend for us. When actually it was all my fault. My own doing.

 

When things got better and I was able to manage my financials, all of a sudden I was declared a bankrupt by a hire purchase company because the borrower defaulted his payment. I was the sole guarantor. It was a very frustrating episode. Very frustrating. To think that I had done all I could to avoid being made a bankrupt then suddenly I became one and it was not even my fault! I couldn’t accept it at first. I was frustrated. Angry. Furious! Especially at my husband. I didn’t tell anyone about it because I didn’t want my parents to know. Bankruptcy was a taboo for them. So I kept on praying for Allah to show me the way. To get me (get us) out of the situation. I had two options i.e. to pay a lump sum and clear my name before the other creditors found out OR to pay in monthly instalment for a certain period of time and let the other creditors found out about my status.

 

At that time, our concern was the house. If the bank took it away, where would we live? My main concern was my goodwill. I have all throughout my working life been safeguarding my name against bankruptcy. In that situation, I fought with my husband a lot. It was all about getting the money. Then it hit me that it was all a test. His test. All the things in my life was His. Actually. Including my body and soul. And if my marriage broke up, the satan would be very happy. I shouldn’t have worried about losing the properties. Even the house. Those were not mine anyway. I should put my faith fully in Allah and that He would take care of us.

 

So I told my husband that if we could not find the means to pay in lump sum, we could just pay a minimum amount on monthly basis. I told him that I didn’t care about the house anymore. If it was fated for us to lose the house, so be it.  Even though I have worked so hard to earn that house. I was just willing to let go.

 

I submitted myself to God. I asked for His forgiveness. I asked for His guidance. I asked for His wisdom. Finally, He paved the way for us. He gave my husband a sum of money to pay a lump sum. The whole process was smooth. My name was cleared in no time. I was so grateful for that. So so so grateful! I was also grateful that He had avoided the other creditors from reporting us. So we had to pay only that sum of money owed to the hire purchase company. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

 



Photo credit of Amir Rozaini Ahmad Rani

Yesterday was the day when Muslims around the world celebrated the Eid Ul Adha to honor the willingness of prophet Ibrahim a.s. to sacrifice his own son, Ismail. Not only that, it was also in honor of Ismail who was willing to let himself be slaughtered by his own father, for sake of Allah. In celebrating the day, Muslims would slaughter cows, goats, lambs and such to symbolise the sacrifice made by Ibrahim and Ismail. I embraced this day in remembrance of the experience I’ve had. Though I wasn’t about to lose my life nor the life of my loved ones, it was painful nonetheless. The very thought of losing the house, tainting my good name and being a bankrupt was all too daunting. But once I decided to let them all go, to be accepting, be willing, the difficult situation became easier. The burden was lifted off my shoulders. And Allah helped me settled it.

 

From that day on, I’ve had a new perspective of Eid Ul Adha. It was not about the slaughtering, but it was about the spirit behind the sacrifice. That actually, when one is willing, there is no sacrifice at all.

 

-This article was published on Wordpress October 16, 2013.