44 years ago I was born in a house on 96 Jalan Pekeliling, Kuala Lipis, Pahang. I was the second child of a teacher-couple Ahmad Rani Idris and Ragayah Hj Ismayatim. Since then I’ve had a blessed life. I remember growing up in that house with someone to take care of me, apart from Wan and Tok (my grandma and grandpa). Kak Enab, Wa Zah, Kak Mah, Mak Timah, just to name a few, who would cook and look after my wellbeing. I went to the Clifford Primary School (Sek. Ren. Clifford) til I was 12. Then we moved to Raub where I went to the Methodist Girls School (Primary) and later on to Methodist Girls School (Secondary) til I was 15, where I sat for my SRP (Sijil Rendah Pelajaran) now known as PMR. Then I went to Mahmud School, Raub til I was 17 where I sat for my SPM (Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia).
Well, I actually had the opportunity to go to a boarding school after SRP but Mak didn’t let me go. She said the school had water issues. But the truth is, they won’t let me out of their sight. After SPM, I went to Lower Six for a while before I was called to register in ITM Shah Alam. Mak said Abah had to let me go then, for my future’s sake. They were very protective of me. And that sort of made me a rebel.
After college, I was unemployed for about three months. Then I got a job with a shipping company in Port Klang. It was in 1991. Since then, I was away from home til two years ago. I became very independent. In mid 2000, led by a major heartbreak, I moved to Johor where I had no family and only a few friends. That move sort of made my grandpa worried. But I told him it was only temporary. A few months later he passed away. Oh, my grandma passed away long before, when I was still in college. I could still remember my uncle asking me how long will I be staying in Johor and I told him that if I couldn’t find a suitor, I’d be back in two years. Fate has it that I found my suitor and we got married in 2004. I was 35. I gave birth to my daughter when I was 37 and to my son, a year later.
Now that I’m 44, I’d like to look back to my whole journey in life and would summarise it as follows:
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| In Kampung Tempoyang, Kuala Lipis, Pahang At the back was Tok's Beetle |
My childhood life was full of fun and tender loving care. I was surrounded by a close knit family to whom I got too attached to, especially my late aunt – Mak Long Zawiyah (arwah). She was like a second mother to me cause I spent a lot of time at her house in Kuala Atok and experienced the kampung (village) life to the fullest. My only friend then (other than friends at school) was my elder brother til he went to boarding school when he was 12.
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| Netball Team, MGS Raub |
My teenage life was full of energy – activities and sports. I was in to netball and field sports (100m, 200m, 400m, 4x200m, long jump and jogathon); too scared for hockey. I was also in to a lot of performances – poetry, story telling, singing and acting; and I was also on the Bahasa Malaysia debate team, apart from the Puteri Islam and Arts societies. Yup, I was a ‘socialite’ then. Heh. No wonder I turned out to be a tomboy. During my teens, I was a happy-go-lucky brat. Trying so hard to find myself. To try and understand love. But I was lucky that I had a very supportive group of friends. They were at par with me – not too spoiled, not too naughty, not lacking in studies either. I think I owe my well-to-do SRP and SPM results to them!
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| Jelawang Waterfall, Kuala Krai |
My adolescent life was full of confusion. Though it was still a fun and exciting life. I got to experience love and heartbreaks. I got to experience the truth in Islam and understand why I was born to this world. I got to experience having my own money and to prove my own’s worth. Best of all, I got to experience nature by going on jungle trekking expeditions. Basically, I got to do what I had been wanting to do. Only that when I looked back now, I wished that I had known how to save and invest my money. I could’ve been very rich by now!
My adult life (and that’s when I reach 40, I guess) was of a dilemma. A life full of responsibilities. At some point I think I’ve turned myself into a grouch. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed being an adult. I was a stylo person, before I got married. I used to have colour-schemed clothes and accessories to go with ‘em. I used to wear high heels and quite fashionable, too. Perhaps due to the dilemma (some said ‘mid-life crisis’) I forgot to take care of myself. I didn’t care what clothes I was wearing and whether they were mis-matched. I wore high heels no more, not even a smack of lipstick. I lost track of my fashion instinct. I gained a lot of weight since I got pregnant and didn’t have the urge to shed them off. Til now.
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| ITM, Shah Alam |
My Abah passed away in August 2012, about one and a half years after I moved in.
I thought that I had never done enough to take care of him as a daughter. I was too engrossed with my own family life. So I tried to take care of my Mak since then. Now that my Mak has gone to join my Abah in heaven, I became to rethink what my priorities are. I’m a workaholic, you see. All the time my mind is filled with things about work. How to improve this, what should I do next, who should I email to, etc etc etc. I could spend all night doing my work that I’d spend so little time to go over my children’s school work. I know, I’m missing a lot on them. That’s why I said I became to rethink what my priorities are.
Looking back, I know I’ve always been blessed with all the good things in life. I’ve never experienced hunger, though at times I did fall short of cash. I’ve never experienced not having a roof over my head. Now I’ve got what I’ve dreamed of having years ago. I’ve got my own house, a good husband, two great kids and a good job. My working life has given me a lot of opportunities to learn from others in various aspects. I owe it to my Abah for instilling the ‘hunger for knowledge’ in me through reading and learning. So I’ve acquired a lot of knowledge throughout. I was also fortunate that throughout those years, I had good people as my superiors. And I learned a lot from them, too. They were my teachers in working life.
All in all, the past 44 years have given me so much wealth in knowledge and experience that I wouldn’t trade them for anything else. I may not live for another 44 years! Knowing that my adult life was not as interesting, I think I had to search for that happy-go-lucky gal again. I may not go to the extent of being as crazy as I was then (though it was a great thing, being crazy). Who knows..the next chapters of my life would be more interesting and meaningful.
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| My Future |
-This article was published on Wordpress September 21, 2013
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