Sense of Lost

Perhaps some of us have felt this...throughout their lives. Perhaps some have not. For the sense of lost is a feeling that leaves you wandering, searching, looking for anwers and at the same time weeping for the lost of something or someone.

It makes you feel sad...very sad..and you just don't know how to deal with it. You can't even think and all you want to do is to lie down and sleep it off. But when you wake up, the same feeling is still there...hanging..hovering inside your heart. And your mind doesn't seem to work anymore. Then it starts to make you choke...short of breath and a stinging sensation in the chest. Sometimes you could cry it out...but sometimes you can't. Worse, if you can't cry it out.

I've felt this before...a long time ago. It wasn't a very good experience, I could tell you that. And it left a very big dent in my soul that I could still feel the eeriness til today. It made me feel useless, lifeless and I was on the verge of killing myself. The sense of loss led me to depression. Prior to that, I tried to find solace in mixing around with friends. I was always out and about with them til the wee hours of the morning. At one point I was being cold storaged because I'd always arrive at the workplace very late. I had no spirit to work anymore.

But fate has it that I had a boss who was concerned about me. To him, I confided. And he helped me to find a way out. So that's how I came to Johor. I had no family and no friends out here. It was like starting a new life altogether. I chose to stay in a remote village, close to where I was working. And when a friend asked me to stay with her in town, I refused. Because that would defeat the purpose of my move to this place.

I took the advantage of that stillness and silence in the village at night to seek repentance from the AlMighty. For Him to give me the guidance to get out from my miseries and for Him to give me the strength to keep on living.

You see...when we are in such difficult situation, we need to always ask ourselves : Is death the best way to get out of this mess...or is life the best way to resolve it? I'm sure the answer is to keep on living. Because for every hardship, there would always be a way out. But we must always try to get out of it and not just leave it to fate. And before we decide to take our own lives, we need to always think of all those people that really matter to us...even though there's only one. Think what would happen to them or him/her if we're gone. And think if it is otherwise.

And now I can guarantee you that if you managed to get out from your miseries, you'd come out of it full of good feeling about yourself and you'd be stronger. If you manage to get out from the deepest pit in your life, nothing could beat you anymore after that. Trust me.

"...Say: Even if you had remained in your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to the place of their death"; but (all this was) that God might test what is in your breasts and purge what is in your hearts. For God knoweth well the secrets of your hearts" - Ali-Imran:153