This one week has been like a whirlpool for me. I don't even have time to listen to my what I'm thinking. Too busy. Mostly with the preparations for my Exams. At the same time, I could still feel 'empty' and lonely even when I'm in a crowded place. My mind is occupied. But with only one thing - the Exams.
Now, why am I so concerned? The lecturers said it doesn't matter how much we score because by end of the day we will still get the MBA. But how can I just sit back and relax when my other team members are studying like crazy? Huh?
The marks do matter, actually. The results I got for my Financial Resources and Managing People assignments were not that good. I need at least 50% marks for each from the Exams in order to get a "Pass". Otherwise I will have to resit the papers next year. Not something I am looking forward to. So might as well I study hard now.
This MBA matters much to me in my quest for self-actualisation. I don't know what I would do once I get over this (in another TWO years). I don't know if I would ever GET over it. As the saying goes "just go with the flow". Deep down in my heart I know that this is something that I need to do. I just know it. It's a "Now or Never" kind of thing. In that sense, no matter how difficult, no matter how hard and no matter how challenging the path is, I will make sure to thread through it with grace.
I stand guided by the knowledge and guidance given to me by the AlMighty. For He is the only One Who Knoweth all.
Tuesday, 28 November 2017
Saturday, 25 November 2017
Reflection #03
Been a while. Yes. I have been struggling with my health for the past three months. Now I'm feeling fine. Still recuperating. Still managing the asthma. Getting to the pink of health. Insya Allah. Slowly but surely.
I watched a video by Robert Riopel earlier today, in his Fan Page. That video brought me back to home. He reminded me of what I am supposed to be doing and WHY I'm doing it. Yes, one of the reasons why people failed in life is because they don't know what they are after. So how could they succeed if they don't even know what to achieve? True or true? Same here with me.
Engulfed with self-pity from the heartbreaks of many many years ago, added with the deep grieve I felt after my parents were gone and then my elder brother, I came to realise that I have actually neglected myself for so long. I have become a victim without me knowing it. Or probably I do but I chose to ignore. One of the things that I know I know and I chose not to know.
This realisation...this sudden awareness, I think has something to do with the healing that my friend Lina Masrina did on me when she came to visit not too long ago. I think the healing has cleared the path for my self-pity to finally find its way out and roam free. Because from that day onwards, as though in trance, I felt at ease and in peace with myself. I began to be AWARE. I began to think what I think and feel what I feel. The most recent heartbreak, though I have been carrying with me for the past 18 or so years, have disappeared into thin air. I could still remember but no longer do I feel the pain. I could finally FORGIVE myself and let go. Really, really let go.
Amazing, isn't it? How a 30-minutes healing could make a 26 years of inner pain, suffering and self-pity dissolved into thin air and purify the soul? That, was indeed a purification for me.
Since then on, everyday my senses seem to be awake. Like I have just got out from a coma. To my amazement, most of the time things that I've been thinking would physically appear. For example if I've been thinking of a certain words of wisdom, in an instance I would be reading the same in a book. It all started only recently.
When I bought the book, The Way of Achievers written by a warrior-friend, Maitha al-Shamsi. I had just been planning and writing down the scopes of the book for my kids. Something that I have actually planned for many years and did nothing. In her book, Maitha wrote exactly what I need to do in order to make sure the book is written!
Robert, on the other hand, spoke in his video about what a warrior should be doing at this time of the year. Yes, a warrior will go THROUGH the Finish Line, instead of waiting for the year to end and to start all over again in 2018. These two, coupled with the first few pages of High Performance Habits written by Brendon Burchard that I'm starting to read, gave me sort of an assurance that I am actually going into the right direction. Okay, I've said this once a few years ago and I'm still here at the Start, but this time I'm afraid things will change. Because I, will make that change happen!
First thing's first...I'm going to go through with the exams for my MBA that is due in 9 days. After the exams, I will resume with my daily commitment to work on the book for my kids. At the same time, I have committed myself to something else in January 2018 and have started paying for it progressively. I have also committed myself to the Stage 2 of the MBA Programme that will start in February.
I am still searching for my calling. Up to now, all I can feel tightly hugging my very own soul and tugging at my conscience is writing. I have a few ideas in my mind, need to put them into actions. But who knows...I may end up doing Stand-up Comedy. Haha. 😄
I watched a video by Robert Riopel earlier today, in his Fan Page. That video brought me back to home. He reminded me of what I am supposed to be doing and WHY I'm doing it. Yes, one of the reasons why people failed in life is because they don't know what they are after. So how could they succeed if they don't even know what to achieve? True or true? Same here with me.
Engulfed with self-pity from the heartbreaks of many many years ago, added with the deep grieve I felt after my parents were gone and then my elder brother, I came to realise that I have actually neglected myself for so long. I have become a victim without me knowing it. Or probably I do but I chose to ignore. One of the things that I know I know and I chose not to know.
This realisation...this sudden awareness, I think has something to do with the healing that my friend Lina Masrina did on me when she came to visit not too long ago. I think the healing has cleared the path for my self-pity to finally find its way out and roam free. Because from that day onwards, as though in trance, I felt at ease and in peace with myself. I began to be AWARE. I began to think what I think and feel what I feel. The most recent heartbreak, though I have been carrying with me for the past 18 or so years, have disappeared into thin air. I could still remember but no longer do I feel the pain. I could finally FORGIVE myself and let go. Really, really let go.
Amazing, isn't it? How a 30-minutes healing could make a 26 years of inner pain, suffering and self-pity dissolved into thin air and purify the soul? That, was indeed a purification for me.
Since then on, everyday my senses seem to be awake. Like I have just got out from a coma. To my amazement, most of the time things that I've been thinking would physically appear. For example if I've been thinking of a certain words of wisdom, in an instance I would be reading the same in a book. It all started only recently.
When I bought the book, The Way of Achievers written by a warrior-friend, Maitha al-Shamsi. I had just been planning and writing down the scopes of the book for my kids. Something that I have actually planned for many years and did nothing. In her book, Maitha wrote exactly what I need to do in order to make sure the book is written!
Robert, on the other hand, spoke in his video about what a warrior should be doing at this time of the year. Yes, a warrior will go THROUGH the Finish Line, instead of waiting for the year to end and to start all over again in 2018. These two, coupled with the first few pages of High Performance Habits written by Brendon Burchard that I'm starting to read, gave me sort of an assurance that I am actually going into the right direction. Okay, I've said this once a few years ago and I'm still here at the Start, but this time I'm afraid things will change. Because I, will make that change happen!
First thing's first...I'm going to go through with the exams for my MBA that is due in 9 days. After the exams, I will resume with my daily commitment to work on the book for my kids. At the same time, I have committed myself to something else in January 2018 and have started paying for it progressively. I have also committed myself to the Stage 2 of the MBA Programme that will start in February.
I am still searching for my calling. Up to now, all I can feel tightly hugging my very own soul and tugging at my conscience is writing. I have a few ideas in my mind, need to put them into actions. But who knows...I may end up doing Stand-up Comedy. Haha. 😄
Tuesday, 17 October 2017
Seven Years In Summary
This is a continuation to the post that I wrote back in 2015 (click to read):-
2017 is going to an end in about two and a half month's time. Reflecting on my life the past 7 years, this is to summarise it:
2010 - Anger & Frustration
2011 - Repentance
2012 & 2013 - Sadness
2014 - Trying Hard To Forget
2015 - Peace & Coming Home
2016 - Hope
2017 - Development
This year, I've developed myself to overcome the grieve following my brother's passing. At the same time I've developed myself in a few new areas, especially at work.
My wish for 2018 - it's going to be a year of New Beginning. Insya Allah.
2017 is going to an end in about two and a half month's time. Reflecting on my life the past 7 years, this is to summarise it:
2010 - Anger & Frustration
2011 - Repentance
2012 & 2013 - Sadness
2014 - Trying Hard To Forget
2015 - Peace & Coming Home
2016 - Hope
2017 - Development
This year, I've developed myself to overcome the grieve following my brother's passing. At the same time I've developed myself in a few new areas, especially at work.
My wish for 2018 - it's going to be a year of New Beginning. Insya Allah.
Monday, 16 October 2017
A Pinch On The Arm
I'd consider this as a low point in my life. Not as low as I used to be...but the "sinking" feeling is there. No, I don't like this situation. Not at all.
It makes me feel HELPLESS.
I can't breathe properly. That makes it difficult to walk. I'd cough every time I take a breath. After every cough, I'd feel breathless. Its the spasm, as the Doctor said. It makes the bronchial in my lungs constricted, thus restricting air flow. To add to this 'situation' my daughter is having chicken pox! So she's confined at home. Luckily it's school holiday for the week.
It keeps me thinking....did I 'invite' all these into my life? Probably I did. Subconsciously. Who knows?
Since I had that small talk with Lina a few weeks back, I started to think back to what I had been planning a few years back. I've made a very good Life Plan, the most comprehensive plan I've ever done in my whole life! It covers almost every aspect, concisely.
How much time have I wasted? How far have I gone astray from my plans? How could I have forgotten? How could I become easily distracted?
I dawned on me that my focus has shifted since I started working. I am now living the life of others, than my own. Of course, I need the money to settle all my debts. But I'm not supposed to forget what I have planned. I'm supposed to follow through with the plans on weekly and monthly basis. I've neglected the most important person in my life ever since then. ME!
This illness could be a reminder from the AlMighty. Like a pinch on the arm. So that I'd turn around and keep stock of what I have done and what I have missed. Probably He was trying to tell me that I should retrace my steps. Go back to what I have planned before.
Ironically, I bought a book from Amazon which I received last week. It's a book written by a friend I met at Success Resources programs. The Way of Achievers, by Maitha J. Al Shamsi. In the first few pages, she wrote "I have seen people get sick due to work pressure which creates all kind of health issues and disease". That kind of alerted me. In the Chapter that follows, she gave a step-by-step process on creating vision. This book was like taking me back in time.
Sure. I believe the Universe is trying to tell me something. This low point that I am experiencing was indeed my own fault. I didn't follow through with my plans. So what should I do now?
The wisest move is to turn back and retrace.
It makes me feel HELPLESS.
I can't breathe properly. That makes it difficult to walk. I'd cough every time I take a breath. After every cough, I'd feel breathless. Its the spasm, as the Doctor said. It makes the bronchial in my lungs constricted, thus restricting air flow. To add to this 'situation' my daughter is having chicken pox! So she's confined at home. Luckily it's school holiday for the week.
It keeps me thinking....did I 'invite' all these into my life? Probably I did. Subconsciously. Who knows?
Since I had that small talk with Lina a few weeks back, I started to think back to what I had been planning a few years back. I've made a very good Life Plan, the most comprehensive plan I've ever done in my whole life! It covers almost every aspect, concisely.
How much time have I wasted? How far have I gone astray from my plans? How could I have forgotten? How could I become easily distracted?
I dawned on me that my focus has shifted since I started working. I am now living the life of others, than my own. Of course, I need the money to settle all my debts. But I'm not supposed to forget what I have planned. I'm supposed to follow through with the plans on weekly and monthly basis. I've neglected the most important person in my life ever since then. ME!
This illness could be a reminder from the AlMighty. Like a pinch on the arm. So that I'd turn around and keep stock of what I have done and what I have missed. Probably He was trying to tell me that I should retrace my steps. Go back to what I have planned before.
Ironically, I bought a book from Amazon which I received last week. It's a book written by a friend I met at Success Resources programs. The Way of Achievers, by Maitha J. Al Shamsi. In the first few pages, she wrote "I have seen people get sick due to work pressure which creates all kind of health issues and disease". That kind of alerted me. In the Chapter that follows, she gave a step-by-step process on creating vision. This book was like taking me back in time.
Sure. I believe the Universe is trying to tell me something. This low point that I am experiencing was indeed my own fault. I didn't follow through with my plans. So what should I do now?
The wisest move is to turn back and retrace.
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