What's next? I wondered.
Once I made the decision to quit working, I knew that I'll be facing the same issue as I did back in 2010 and 2015. That my husband will be the sole breadwinner of the family and we need to be prudent in our spending.
While he has no objection to my quitting, I think deep down in his heart, he must be worried about our expenses and liabilities. His is not ours alone. He has his family to take care of, too.
So I've been doing a lot of thinking. I need to do something to get some income. And I need to do something that I can do from home or wherever, without being stuck to the 9-5 routine.
The only skill I have is writing. I think, that's the only thing I know and good at. Even after all these years working.
And I need to expand my knowledge that I've gained in GBI, TTT and EWTC into something for the future generation. Probably a talking gig...a book...articles of sort. I don't know. Anything that I can explore upon.
I'm in the midst of writing a book. My first book. If God's willing. But I'm not hoping for this book to become best seller or to give me loads of royalties. My intention was just to come out with my first book.
For the income, I thought of being a Writer for Hire. Ghostwriter. Copywriter. Proofreader. Someone whom others could seek for help with, when they need something to be written. Though I have never done that, I know it is something that I can learn. I mean, I am a fast learner!
I am feeling very uncomfortable right now. Lots of things I need to adjust with this new life. I need to be more discipline in terms of time. I need to focus on learning the new skill, I need to read a lot. At the same time, I need to also focus on my studies.
I have an assignment coming up for my MBA. Then there's a proposal for the Management Research Challenge that I need to work on. Last but not least, there's the Personal Development assignment I need to also work on, by end of this year.
Wow! Lots of things on my hands, it seems.
I hope I won't get overwhelmed again.
Showing posts with label New Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Life. Show all posts
Saturday, 4 August 2018
Tuesday, 31 July 2018
Another Stop
I've resigned from my job on 29 July 2018.
I made the decision in April after I've thought long and hard about it. When I sent the resignation notice to my boss, I gave my health condition and my kids as the main reason why I wanted to quit. No, I did not discuss about it with him before I sent the notice out. But I did discuss with my previous boss.
I found that once I've made that decision in my mind (prior to sending out the notice) it was difficult to retract.
I've since thought about the actual reason why I wanted to leave. I mean, it was a high-paying job and I was working in the line of transport which I have always wanted. Leaving the job means that we will go back to 2010 and 2015 when my husband became the sole breadwinner of the family. I know that when I leave, we will not have the luxury and comfort of things and expenditure like we used to have.
At the end of 2014, I left the same organisation, with whom I've worked with in KL for almost 4 years. Since my Mom passed away in 2013, it was very difficult for me to pick up the pieces. Her death has shattered my life and broke my soul. The only way I could deal with it was to get out from the house and move back to JB. And we did.
So in 2015, I wasn't working. I attended to my family, especially my school-going kids. By end of the year we started having financial difficulty. I still had two personal loans to serve and the housing loan to pay. My husband couldn't help me with the personal loans and the banks were chasing me like crazy.
Fate has it that the same organisation opened up an office in JB. So I tried my luck. It wasn't smooth. In the end, I was accepted and started working in May 2016. I was tasked to oversee the offices in JB and Malacca.
I thought that with the office in JB, my life would be so much easier. Commuting from home to office took only about 20 minutes or so. Unlike previously when it took me nearly 2 hours, just one way. By 6pm I would already be at home. The best thing is, my workday was the same as the school day. Meaning that I had my weekend on Friday and Saturday. So there was no issue with the kids.
Unfortunately, my elder brother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer back in Sept 2016. So I need to attend to him for his chemotherapy, almost every weekend. I'd take the bus on Thursday night and come back on Sunday morning, straight to the office. Sometimes I spent the night at the hospital with him. Sometimes, instead of taking the bus I'd drive.
Eventually, he passed away in March 2017. Another sad episode of my life.
Since his passing, I became ill. I started having flu in early January, after I came back from London in Dec 2016. I guess the climate change took a toll on my poor health. Ever since, I didn't seem to recover. The flu came and went.
On top of that, I think my brother's passing took some more pieces of me away. Him and me, we were only 11 months apart. I loved him dearly, even though we were not very close. Until he became sick. The realization that I now have no father, mother and elder brother is very sad. I have nobody to turn to.
My grieving period wasn't that long, surprisingly. I was soon caught up with work. it became intense. I had to travel JB-KL almost every alternate week. Coincidentally, the driver got involved in an auto accident and was on medical leave for the whole year! So more often than not I had to drive my own car or take the midnight bus.
I think being exposed to the air-condition at night, being exhausted physically and mentally, made me even sick. In August 2017, I was diagnosed with Cough Variant Asthma, a rare form of asthma. I'd have asthma attacks especially early in the morning.
I tried my best to carry out my duties. However, in early 2018 I started thinking about my life's purpose. I started thinking about my priorities. I started thinking about myself. I started thinking about my future.
The job, even though lucrative and interesting, didn't actually add any value to my personal development. It wasn't anything new, except for the surrounding. The bureaucracies and some issues with internal as well as external parties were making me more frustrated and demotivated. Deep within those thoughts, I came to realize that I was doing all these not for myself but for others. That's why I wasn't happy.
So I decided to quit.
What motivated me to send in the notice was the fact that having been sick all the time, I wasn't really in the office most of the time and had to rely on my officers. Which to me, didn't do any justice to them. It didn't do any justice to me as well, when I had to monitor them and read / reply to emails from home when I was on medical leave!
Then there was my kids.
Their exam results were not at all encouraging since early in the year. Probably because I wasn't around that much to closely monitor them (at times I had to work outstation for 2 - 3 days. Once, I was away for 5 days). So they didn't care very much to study.
My daughter will be sitting for an important exam end of September. Therefore, I thought if I tendered my resignation by end of April and served a 3-months' notice, my last day will be at the end of July. So I'd have approximately two months to work with her on her studies.
I know that the decision was based purely on emotion. It was something that I felt I had to do. For whatever reason, I just had to resign. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to move forward. This time, I did it for me. This is for my future.
May God The AlMighty bless my intentions.
I made the decision in April after I've thought long and hard about it. When I sent the resignation notice to my boss, I gave my health condition and my kids as the main reason why I wanted to quit. No, I did not discuss about it with him before I sent the notice out. But I did discuss with my previous boss.
I found that once I've made that decision in my mind (prior to sending out the notice) it was difficult to retract.
I've since thought about the actual reason why I wanted to leave. I mean, it was a high-paying job and I was working in the line of transport which I have always wanted. Leaving the job means that we will go back to 2010 and 2015 when my husband became the sole breadwinner of the family. I know that when I leave, we will not have the luxury and comfort of things and expenditure like we used to have.
At the end of 2014, I left the same organisation, with whom I've worked with in KL for almost 4 years. Since my Mom passed away in 2013, it was very difficult for me to pick up the pieces. Her death has shattered my life and broke my soul. The only way I could deal with it was to get out from the house and move back to JB. And we did.
So in 2015, I wasn't working. I attended to my family, especially my school-going kids. By end of the year we started having financial difficulty. I still had two personal loans to serve and the housing loan to pay. My husband couldn't help me with the personal loans and the banks were chasing me like crazy.
Fate has it that the same organisation opened up an office in JB. So I tried my luck. It wasn't smooth. In the end, I was accepted and started working in May 2016. I was tasked to oversee the offices in JB and Malacca.
I thought that with the office in JB, my life would be so much easier. Commuting from home to office took only about 20 minutes or so. Unlike previously when it took me nearly 2 hours, just one way. By 6pm I would already be at home. The best thing is, my workday was the same as the school day. Meaning that I had my weekend on Friday and Saturday. So there was no issue with the kids.
Unfortunately, my elder brother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer back in Sept 2016. So I need to attend to him for his chemotherapy, almost every weekend. I'd take the bus on Thursday night and come back on Sunday morning, straight to the office. Sometimes I spent the night at the hospital with him. Sometimes, instead of taking the bus I'd drive.
Eventually, he passed away in March 2017. Another sad episode of my life.
Since his passing, I became ill. I started having flu in early January, after I came back from London in Dec 2016. I guess the climate change took a toll on my poor health. Ever since, I didn't seem to recover. The flu came and went.
On top of that, I think my brother's passing took some more pieces of me away. Him and me, we were only 11 months apart. I loved him dearly, even though we were not very close. Until he became sick. The realization that I now have no father, mother and elder brother is very sad. I have nobody to turn to.
My grieving period wasn't that long, surprisingly. I was soon caught up with work. it became intense. I had to travel JB-KL almost every alternate week. Coincidentally, the driver got involved in an auto accident and was on medical leave for the whole year! So more often than not I had to drive my own car or take the midnight bus.
I think being exposed to the air-condition at night, being exhausted physically and mentally, made me even sick. In August 2017, I was diagnosed with Cough Variant Asthma, a rare form of asthma. I'd have asthma attacks especially early in the morning.
I tried my best to carry out my duties. However, in early 2018 I started thinking about my life's purpose. I started thinking about my priorities. I started thinking about myself. I started thinking about my future.
The job, even though lucrative and interesting, didn't actually add any value to my personal development. It wasn't anything new, except for the surrounding. The bureaucracies and some issues with internal as well as external parties were making me more frustrated and demotivated. Deep within those thoughts, I came to realize that I was doing all these not for myself but for others. That's why I wasn't happy.
So I decided to quit.
What motivated me to send in the notice was the fact that having been sick all the time, I wasn't really in the office most of the time and had to rely on my officers. Which to me, didn't do any justice to them. It didn't do any justice to me as well, when I had to monitor them and read / reply to emails from home when I was on medical leave!
Then there was my kids.
Their exam results were not at all encouraging since early in the year. Probably because I wasn't around that much to closely monitor them (at times I had to work outstation for 2 - 3 days. Once, I was away for 5 days). So they didn't care very much to study.
My daughter will be sitting for an important exam end of September. Therefore, I thought if I tendered my resignation by end of April and served a 3-months' notice, my last day will be at the end of July. So I'd have approximately two months to work with her on her studies.
I know that the decision was based purely on emotion. It was something that I felt I had to do. For whatever reason, I just had to resign. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to move forward. This time, I did it for me. This is for my future.
May God The AlMighty bless my intentions.
Wednesday, 9 December 2015
Five Years in Summary
Soon, very soon, 2015 is going to leave us. And soon, very soon, 2016 will come a knocking.
Reflecting on my life the past 6 years, this is to summarise it:
2010 - Anger & Frustration
2011 - Repentance
2012 & 2013 - Sadness
2014 - Trying Hard To Forget
2015 - Peace & Coming Home
For 2016, I place my hope. So it'll be a year of Hope.
Reflecting on my life the past 6 years, this is to summarise it:
2010 - Anger & Frustration
2011 - Repentance
2012 & 2013 - Sadness
2014 - Trying Hard To Forget
2015 - Peace & Coming Home
For 2016, I place my hope. So it'll be a year of Hope.
Wednesday, 11 February 2015
Let It Go
Hi there! It's been a while since I updated this Blog. I've been quite busy offlate. Just managed to settle down this week.
As I'm writing this, I'm waiting for my kids to come home from school. We have moved back to JB, a town in the State of Johor which is located in the south of West Malaysia, since December 2014. The kids are in a new school now.
Since I came back here, my objective is to let go of the past. The past few years have been sad years for me, with the passing of my parents. I have actually been living with sadness for the past 20 years or so. Due to the heartbreaks and frustrations. And I think I have wasted much of my energy reliving the past, carrying the baggage for over 20 years. So now is a good time to let go.
So when I came back, after a few weeks I settled down and managed to arrange for the kids' transfer. Then I started to work on clearing a particular room in this house. I ended up spending almost three weeks rummaging, sorting and rearranging the stuffs I had. My oh my...some of them dated back to 1996! That's how long ago a baggage I've been carrying. I threw a lot of stuffs away. Even though some of them were books compiled by my Dad. Not that I don't treasure his gifts, but I intend to move on. So I threw away a lot of those. Finally, this room is ready for me to use as our study and also a little library. I definitely have more books now. And my objective is to complete reading all of them, at least one book a month.
Til then.
As I'm writing this, I'm waiting for my kids to come home from school. We have moved back to JB, a town in the State of Johor which is located in the south of West Malaysia, since December 2014. The kids are in a new school now.
Since I came back here, my objective is to let go of the past. The past few years have been sad years for me, with the passing of my parents. I have actually been living with sadness for the past 20 years or so. Due to the heartbreaks and frustrations. And I think I have wasted much of my energy reliving the past, carrying the baggage for over 20 years. So now is a good time to let go.
So when I came back, after a few weeks I settled down and managed to arrange for the kids' transfer. Then I started to work on clearing a particular room in this house. I ended up spending almost three weeks rummaging, sorting and rearranging the stuffs I had. My oh my...some of them dated back to 1996! That's how long ago a baggage I've been carrying. I threw a lot of stuffs away. Even though some of them were books compiled by my Dad. Not that I don't treasure his gifts, but I intend to move on. So I threw away a lot of those. Finally, this room is ready for me to use as our study and also a little library. I definitely have more books now. And my objective is to complete reading all of them, at least one book a month.
Til then.
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