Writer for Hire

What's next? I wondered.

Once I made the decision to quit working, I knew that I'll be facing the same issue as I did back in 2010 and 2015. That my husband will be the sole breadwinner of the family and we need to be prudent in our spending.

While he has no objection to my quitting, I think deep down in his heart, he must be worried about our expenses and liabilities. His is not ours alone. He has his family to take care of, too.

So I've been doing a lot of thinking. I need to do something to get some income. And I need to do something that I can do from home or wherever, without being stuck to the 9-5 routine.

The only skill I have is writing. I think, that's the only thing I know and good at. Even after all these years working.

And I need to expand my knowledge that I've gained in GBI, TTT and EWTC into something for the future generation. Probably a talking gig...a book...articles of sort. I don't know. Anything that I can explore upon.

I'm in the midst of writing a book. My first book. If God's willing. But I'm not hoping for this book to become best seller or to give me loads of royalties. My intention was just to come out with my first book.

For the income, I thought of being a Writer for Hire. Ghostwriter. Copywriter. Proofreader. Someone whom others could seek for help with, when they need something to be written. Though I have never done that, I know it is something that I can learn. I mean, I am a fast learner!

I am feeling very uncomfortable right now. Lots of things I need to adjust with this new life. I need to be more discipline in terms of time. I need to focus on learning the new skill, I need to read a lot. At the same time, I need to also focus on my studies.

I have an assignment coming up for my MBA. Then there's a proposal for the Management Research Challenge that I need to work on. Last but not least, there's the Personal Development assignment I need to also work on, by end of this year.

Wow! Lots of things on my hands, it seems.

I hope I won't get overwhelmed again.

Another Stop

I've resigned from my job on 29 July 2018.

I made the decision in April after I've thought long and hard about it. When I sent the resignation notice to my boss, I gave my health condition and my kids as the main reason why I wanted to quit. No, I did not discuss about it with him before I sent the notice out. But I did discuss with my previous boss.

I found that once I've made that decision in my mind (prior to sending out the notice) it was difficult to retract.

I've since thought about the actual reason why I wanted to leave. I mean, it was a high-paying job and I was working in the line of transport which I have always wanted. Leaving the job means that we will go back to 2010 and 2015 when my husband became the sole breadwinner of the family. I know that when I leave, we will not have the luxury and comfort of things and expenditure like we used to have.

At the end of 2014, I left the same organisation, with whom I've worked with in KL for almost 4 years. Since my Mom passed away in 2013, it was very difficult for me to pick up the pieces. Her death has shattered my life and broke my soul. The only way I could deal with it was to get out from the house and move back to JB. And we did.

So in 2015, I wasn't working. I attended to my family, especially my school-going kids. By end of the year we started having financial difficulty. I still had two personal loans to serve and the housing loan to pay. My husband couldn't help me with the personal loans and the banks were chasing me like crazy.

Fate has it that the same organisation opened up an office in JB. So I tried my luck. It wasn't smooth. In the end, I was accepted and started working in May 2016. I was tasked to oversee the offices in JB and Malacca.

I thought that with the office in JB, my life would be so much easier. Commuting from home to office took only about 20 minutes or so. Unlike previously when it took me nearly 2 hours, just one way. By 6pm I would already be at home. The best thing is, my workday was the same as the school day. Meaning that I had my weekend on Friday and Saturday. So there was no issue with the kids.

Unfortunately, my elder brother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer back in Sept 2016. So I need to attend to him for his chemotherapy, almost every weekend. I'd take the bus on Thursday night and come back on Sunday morning, straight to the office. Sometimes I spent the night at the hospital with him. Sometimes, instead of taking the bus I'd drive.

Eventually, he passed away in March 2017. Another sad episode of my life.

Since his passing, I became ill. I started having flu in early January, after I came back from London in Dec 2016. I guess the climate change took a toll on my poor health. Ever since, I didn't seem to recover. The flu came and went.

On top of that, I think my brother's passing took some more pieces of me away. Him and me, we were only 11 months apart. I loved him dearly, even though we were not very close. Until he became sick. The realization that I now have no father, mother and elder brother is very sad. I have nobody to turn to.

My grieving period wasn't that long, surprisingly. I was soon caught up with work. it became intense. I had to travel JB-KL almost every alternate week. Coincidentally, the driver got involved in an auto accident and was on medical leave for the whole year! So more often than not I had to drive my own car or take the midnight bus.

I think being exposed to the air-condition at night, being exhausted physically and mentally, made me even sick. In August 2017, I was diagnosed with Cough Variant Asthma, a rare form of asthma. I'd have asthma attacks especially early in the morning.

I tried my best to carry out my duties. However, in early 2018 I started thinking about my life's purpose. I started thinking about my priorities. I started thinking about myself. I started thinking about my future.

The job, even though lucrative and interesting, didn't actually add any value to my personal development. It wasn't anything new, except for the surrounding. The bureaucracies and some issues with internal as well as external parties were making me more frustrated and demotivated. Deep within those thoughts, I came to realize that I was doing all these not for myself but for others. That's why I wasn't happy.

So I decided to quit.

What motivated me to send in the notice was the fact that having been sick all the time, I wasn't really in the office most of the time and had to rely on my officers. Which to me, didn't do any justice to them. It didn't do any justice to me as well, when I had to monitor them and read / reply to emails from home when I was on medical leave!

Then there was my kids.

Their exam results were not at all encouraging since early in the year. Probably because I wasn't around that much to closely monitor them (at times I had to work outstation for 2 - 3 days. Once, I was away for 5 days). So they didn't care very much to study.

My daughter will be sitting for an important exam end of September. Therefore, I thought if I tendered my resignation by end of April and served a 3-months' notice, my last day will be at the end of July. So I'd have approximately two months to work with her on her studies.

I know that the decision was based purely on emotion. It was something that I felt I had to do. For whatever reason, I just had to resign. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to move forward. This time, I did it for me. This is for my future.

May God The AlMighty bless my intentions.

How Do You Get Over Grieve?

How do you deal with the loss of a loved one?

Once, I care not about this question. Though a very long time ago, when I was 12 years old, I would often dreamed of my mother passing away and I would cry in my sleep.

When my father died in 2012, I was in a short bereavement because I could comprehend the fact that he died in a blessed way. It was Ramadhan, the holy month of Islam and it was also on a Friday, the day of all days. People said that if one passed away on Friday, means he is a blessed soul. I guess Abah was doubly blessed. Not only did he passed away on Friday, but it was the holy month as well.

Besides, at that time I still had my mom to think of. Not too long after my dad's passing, she fell ill so I had to take care of her. While working and taking care of my two young kids, I had my hands' full and not so much time left to grieve.

But after my mom passed on in 2013, it was too much to bear. Probably because I felt guilty for not taking care of her as much as I should. Probably because she was my mother, the woman who had given birth to me and took care of me since I was a baby. Probably because I felt like I had no one else to turn to, now. As a muslim, I was supposed to accept the fate that every living things will die including humans. From God do we come, to Him we shall return. I did accept the fact that she was gone and will never come back. However, the feeling of sadness...oh, God! Didn't seem to go away. Was it sadness, was it guilt, was it lost, I don't know. I was in grieve. That's all I know.

Immediately after she passed away, it was as if she had taken a part of my life along with her. My spirits died with her. I had no more passion to work, I had no more need for laughter, I couldn't even bring myself to take care of my kids. Everything just....died. It was a very dreadful feeling. Emptiness. Void. Something is amiss. That kind of feeling.

I realised that it took me almost two years to get over it. TWO YEARS! Throughout those years I prayed and prayed and prayed and I cried and cried and cried and I read the Quran and its translation, something that I had never done before.

So, how did I know that I had gotten over the grieve?

It was this feeling of peace that I could finally let go of my mom and her memories. Not forgetting. But letting go.

Now the cycle begins again, after my brother died. It was too hard for me. Probably the same ol' feeling of guilt, for not taking care of him enough, not doing enough and not trying hard enough. Probably all those sadness from my father's passing and my mother's came flooding back.On top of all that, I think was this feeling that I had no one to turn to, anymore. The attachment is not here anymore. It's gone. Like a lifeline that I've been holding on to, for many many years...and suddenly it's been cut off. Or like daylight that suddenly turns to darkness.

After almost four months, I am still grieving. Deep down inside, I am still in bereavement. Even though publicly, physically, mentally, I may not have shown the traces of grieve. I still am. Physically, it is taking a toll on my health. I've been constantly sick, subconsciously. Not really in my top form. Mentally I am in an auto-pilot mode. Not really thinking on my feet.

No, it is not something that we can turn on and off like a switch. It is something that we have to endure and only time would tell when we will get out of it. IF we would ever get out of it. Some people die in their grieve. They never did get out. So I'm praying for God to grant me peace. To give His Love and Kindness to get over this pain, this suffering, this grieve. Because I still have my husband and my kids who needs me. I still have to live this life, for myself.

In time, I'm sure, I will get over this grieve. "When?" is the question I can't answer. If God is willing, I will heal in no time.

How did you get over your grieving period? What did you do? How long did it take you to get over the loss of your loved ones? Mind sharing this with me. Perhaps it will also give me some sort of relief.

Moving Forward

Last year, in the midst of all the frenzy when my brother was diagnosed with the deadly cancer, I had to make a difficult decision.

You see, I did the Executive MBA some time in 2003. But I managed to pursue the course only for half a year, when it was a one and a half year programme. Last year, I chanced upon a MBA programme with the Henley Business School, in University of Reading right here where I live. The campus is just 10 minutes away from my house. They were willing to give me a 50% discount with a very attractive installment package. How could I say "no"? I have been putting it off for more than 10 years. It is something that I have been wanting to do in my life.

It was a difficult decision because when my brother was sick, I had to attend to him every alternate week. With the study, there may be times when I couldn't go and visit him.

Nevertheless, I took up the challenge. Life has to go on, right? At that moment in time, I thought to myself "it is now or never". Furthermore, the School provided us with online study materials and almost anything you can find, in their virtual library, online. The classes, which they call 'workshops' are done every once in two months and an assignment in between. So I guess it wouldn't be as hard.

I finally signed up for it and made the payment for two semesters. The first class started in February. Indeed, it wasn't so intense. They told us that they have revised the modules so that the whole programme will last for 2 and a half years. Meaning that I will only complete it in 2019. May God bless my journey.

Some things are just meant to be, when God says so.

Reflection

Tonight I had the chance to reflect on my life. I mean, really reflect.

I have carried this hurt, this pain, this frustration and this disappointment for 20 years. Yes, that is a long time. In suffering those feelings, I became angry and laid it out on other people. I wasn't being a happy person. I wasn't being me. I blamed it on those who have hurt me, those whom I consider the cause of this hurt, this pain, this frustration, this disappointment. People often say "time would heal". I can't deny that. Yes, time would heal. But it took me 20 years! That was almost half my life.

I've wasted away my youth. I was trying to find 'true happiness' and yet, I led myself to being hurt one after another. Then I became a workaholic. I failed to see all the beautiful things that have happened to me along the way. I wasn't being ungrateful, no. I was only living my life on 'auto pilot' (if you know what I mean). I couldn't appreciate the life that I was living. How foolish of me.

Then, God gave me the opportunity to heal. He showed me how to find myself. Again. I am glad. Because then I was able to really get it into my head and my heart that all these while, it wasn't those people who made my life miserable. It was me. I failed to understand that it was all fated. Written in my Book long before I was put into my mother's womb. I know about it, but I failed to make my thoughts and my feelings understand it. But since God has opened my heart to Him, I finally do understand. The feeling was like coming out to the open after being shut in a dark room. Everything became clear to me. And I really felt like a bonehead!

As Jennifer Steed would have put it, I "came home". I am now at peace. I am myself. I am so grateful that Allah has given me this chance yet again to find my true path. Allah is the AlMighty. He made everything happen according to His Qudrah and Iradah. Indeed, He has given me everything that I NEED. And I realise that now. And I pray that He will guide me on the right path til the day I go back to Him. Insya Allah.

‪#‎AllahKnowsBest‬

Self Worth

I've never thought about my self worth before. I've been working for other people since I was 21 years old, after being unemployed for three months upon my graduation.

I started out as an Officer, because the company wanted to "test me out". My salary then was only RM800. I didn't mind, so long as I was given the opportunity to work. My first task was to do filing. Lots and lots and lots of Bills of Lading. The staff was too busy with their daily chores that they didn't have the time to file all the copies. I did that, for almost a month.

Then the Business Development Manager, who recruited me, wanted me to work on some Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) for the Documentation Department. I worked on that for a few months, compiled everything and showed it to him. He was quite impressed (I guess, because not long after I was promoted to Executive even though my probation period wasn't over yet). Then I got a raise. I think it was about RM1200. From then on, I developed myself horizontally. Meaning, I worked as an Executive but in different fields. During my tenure with the first company, they gave me a lot of opportunity to learn other things apart from my core function as a Documentation Executive. I was tasked to handle cargo claims and also reporting.

After about 11 years, when I was in a different company, I was promoted to a Managerial level. I remained as a Manager for almost 14 years. Again, in different functions. Still, I couldn't value my self worth. Because I was working for other people.

In December 2010 I went to this seminar called the Millionaire Mind Intensive (MMI), which is one of T. Harv Eker's signature programs. I became enthralled by the seminar so I signed up for their 'Quantum Leap' program. That entitled me to five other training programs. I'm telling you that the way they conducted all their trainings are so much different from the 'conventional' trainings aka 'classroom' trainings. After 4 years being in and out of their programs, I finally realised that my self worth is much much higher than I could ever imagined. But of course, all the experiences and trainings that I was put through in all those years working for others did add to the value.

This is my take about self worth:
When we work for other people, we are working under the 'direction' of others i.e. our immediate Superior, the Management and the Company as a whole. So we don't have the privilege to set our own dreams. Even the goals that we have to achieve, the KPIs that we set on monthly or yearly basis, are the goals set by the Company. Is it true or true?

At the same time, we are also confined to the 'mercy' of the Company. How much increment we will get, what kind of promotion, how much is the bonus, how far up can we go, et cetra, et cetra. We don't really have the opportunity to explore our own journey. Everything was already set for us. So even when we think that we have done our best or that we have 'sacrifice' our time and effort for the company, we might not get the promotion that we've been dreaming of just because the Company decided we are not fit to be upgraded. Even when we have worked the entire year without taking any medical leave or annual leave, we still didn't get that maximum bonus because the Company "said so". Or maybe because the Superior didn't like us or couldn't stand our guts. I mean, these things do happen. Can you relate to what I'm saying here?

So our self worth is determined by the amount of salary that we get every month. With the stress, the lesser time we have to spend with our loved ones and the small percentage that we actually got from the pay to spend on luxury items for ourselves, decreases our self worth even more. Sometimes, when we get frustrated with the way the Company treated us, we tend to rebel or look for a job in other Companies just to find that they are all the same. How many of you have felt and done this before? Well, I did, too.

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If you ask me what did I get out of the training programs that I've been to, my answer is "I've finally found my self worth". I can't tell you the benefits that I've reaped in terms of Ringgit and Sen (because I did not take massive actions after each trainings and I've just started doing that since October last year), but I can tell you that I have managed to find myself and realise that I can do much more than what I have done before. I can't quantify that. Its priceless. Totally priceless. I love and appreciate myself more compared to the last 25 years. I began to pursue those dreams that I've dreamt before but too scared to make the move. I finally worked on my Life Plan. Seriously worked on it and followed through with it every single day. I only have 5 years to make my Vision a reality. But as people are saying "It's never too late".

I now know that I have what it takes to achieve my dreams. I will do whatever it takes to fulfill my dreams. Nobody can say that it is right or it is wrong, because these are my dreams.




My Life Plan - target for accomplishment in 5 years

Moving On

2012 and 2013 were not good years for me. Abah and Mak (my father and my mother) left me for good, respectively. In fact, half of my adolescent and adult life were not good for me because I was still harping on the past. Hanging on to those heartbreaks and frustrations. I was carrying the burden of those yesteryears. I became angry and revengeful.

Then I spent half of 2014 missing my Mak and Abah terribly. I still do (will always do). I won't even hear of people trying to take away their things. Their belongings. But I have decided to move on. I have decided to let go of the sadness. Let go of the anger, the revenge. I feel soooooo much better now. And I'm looking forward to a brand new life. I'm looking forward to 2015. This new year will be the year for me to rebuild my life.

I'm moving on. I'm moving on.

I am the Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul

I just love this poem. It was written by William Ernest Henley (1849–1903) in 1875. It was given the title "Invictus" by Arthur Quiller-Couch (no date reference given). This poem was read by Morgan Freeman in the film "Invictus". Invictus is Latin for 'unconquered".

 I'd read it every time I started doubting myself. I especially like the last two verses.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

The Leader In Me

I am a second child. I grew up learning that a second child is best being a follower than a leader. Compared to first child whom they say are naturally born leaders. So I carried that picture throughout my life. I was never good at leading a team. I felt I was only good when I work alone and on my own. That’s what I was ingrained to believe.

 

Then I made a dash at attending this Ultimate Leadership Certification camp in September this year. It was a 5-days’ camp. I thought this is going to be a breakthrough for me. Or perhaps trying to prove myself that I am worthy of being a leader. That camp was so intense that I broke down on the third day. I couldn’t take it anymore. What’s the point? I didn’t think I fare very well with my teammates. I missed my kids terribly at that time. All I could think of was to pack up and leave. Then a dear friend of mine convinced me to stay on. I mean, I’ve actually learned this from the very beginning of my journey with Success Resources – that we don’t just GET to the finish line, we go THROUGH the finish line. So I stayed. By end of the camp, I got my certificate and I got something else too…my COURAGE.

 

Throughout the camp, I always have the same thought that I wasn’t good at being a leader. Never was. Never will. But they gave me a chance. Every once in a while in the activities, I was made to lead the team. The crux of the matter was not about the activity or the game itself but it was about how I conducted myself as a leader of the team. The moment I came back from the camp, the first thing I thought to myself was “To be a leader, I have to be able to lead myself first. So what was it that I’ve been wanting to do?”.  And that’s when I made the decision to quit from my job.

 

I’ve actually done the same feat back in 2010. But then, it was for the wrong reasons. I quit my job then, for the wrong reasons. And I wasn’t ready to take actions. Now I am confident that I made the right decision. I am ready to DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to succeed as a working-from-home mom.

 

I’m doing this for my family and I’m doing this for myself. I’ve been wanting to work on my own for ages but I didn’t have the guts to do so. Now is the chance. If I don’t do this now, I’ll never do it at all. I’ve invested a lot of money to build myself up. I’m not going to waste all that for doing nothing! I’m going to take charge of my own life from now on. I’m going to lead myself to success.

 

What ever the odds are, I will take it on. I pray that God will always give me the strength and the courage to keep moving on. Insya Allah.

  

-This article was published on Wordpress November 11, 2014.

 

Sacrifice, what?

A few years ago, I experienced a very difficult time in my life. I didn’t have a job yet I had so much financial commitments, too heavy a burden for my husband to carry alone. Day by day tension gripped our lives and the situation became worse. I had to borrow lots of money from family and friends just to ensure that the companies didn’t file bankruptcy against me. I became hostile towards my husband because I thought that he was unable to fend for us. When actually it was all my fault. My own doing.

 

When things got better and I was able to manage my financials, all of a sudden I was declared a bankrupt by a hire purchase company because the borrower defaulted his payment. I was the sole guarantor. It was a very frustrating episode. Very frustrating. To think that I had done all I could to avoid being made a bankrupt then suddenly I became one and it was not even my fault! I couldn’t accept it at first. I was frustrated. Angry. Furious! Especially at my husband. I didn’t tell anyone about it because I didn’t want my parents to know. Bankruptcy was a taboo for them. So I kept on praying for Allah to show me the way. To get me (get us) out of the situation. I had two options i.e. to pay a lump sum and clear my name before the other creditors found out OR to pay in monthly instalment for a certain period of time and let the other creditors found out about my status.

 

At that time, our concern was the house. If the bank took it away, where would we live? My main concern was my goodwill. I have all throughout my working life been safeguarding my name against bankruptcy. In that situation, I fought with my husband a lot. It was all about getting the money. Then it hit me that it was all a test. His test. All the things in my life was His. Actually. Including my body and soul. And if my marriage broke up, the satan would be very happy. I shouldn’t have worried about losing the properties. Even the house. Those were not mine anyway. I should put my faith fully in Allah and that He would take care of us.

 

So I told my husband that if we could not find the means to pay in lump sum, we could just pay a minimum amount on monthly basis. I told him that I didn’t care about the house anymore. If it was fated for us to lose the house, so be it.  Even though I have worked so hard to earn that house. I was just willing to let go.

 

I submitted myself to God. I asked for His forgiveness. I asked for His guidance. I asked for His wisdom. Finally, He paved the way for us. He gave my husband a sum of money to pay a lump sum. The whole process was smooth. My name was cleared in no time. I was so grateful for that. So so so grateful! I was also grateful that He had avoided the other creditors from reporting us. So we had to pay only that sum of money owed to the hire purchase company. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

 



Photo credit of Amir Rozaini Ahmad Rani

Yesterday was the day when Muslims around the world celebrated the Eid Ul Adha to honor the willingness of prophet Ibrahim a.s. to sacrifice his own son, Ismail. Not only that, it was also in honor of Ismail who was willing to let himself be slaughtered by his own father, for sake of Allah. In celebrating the day, Muslims would slaughter cows, goats, lambs and such to symbolise the sacrifice made by Ibrahim and Ismail. I embraced this day in remembrance of the experience I’ve had. Though I wasn’t about to lose my life nor the life of my loved ones, it was painful nonetheless. The very thought of losing the house, tainting my good name and being a bankrupt was all too daunting. But once I decided to let them all go, to be accepting, be willing, the difficult situation became easier. The burden was lifted off my shoulders. And Allah helped me settled it.

 

From that day on, I’ve had a new perspective of Eid Ul Adha. It was not about the slaughtering, but it was about the spirit behind the sacrifice. That actually, when one is willing, there is no sacrifice at all.

 

-This article was published on Wordpress October 16, 2013.

 

Does God Exist? (An Affirmation)

...this is a continuation to the post on 'Does God Exist' (click here).

"In the Name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

(Inevitably) cometh (to pass) the Command of God: seek ye not then to hasten it: Glory to Him, and far is He above having the partners they ascribe unto Him! He doth send down His angels with inspiration of His Command, to such of His servants as He pleaseth, (saying): "Warn (Man) that there is no god but I: so do your duty unto Me.". He has created the heavens and the earth for just ends: far is He above having the partners they ascribe to Him!

He has created man from a sperm-drop; and behold this same (man) becomes and open disputer!

And cattle He has created for you (men): from them ye derive warmth, and numerous benefits, and of their (meat) ye eat. And ye have a sense of pride and beauty in them as ye drive them home in the evening, and as ye lead them forth to pasture this morning. And they carry your heavy loads to lands that ye could not (otherwise) reach except with souls distressed: for your Lord is indeed Most Kind, Most Merciful, And (He has created) horses, mules, and donkeys, for you to ride and use for show; and He has created (other) things of which ye have no knowledge.

And unto God leads straight the Way, but there are ways that turn aside: if God had willed. He could have guided all of you.

It is He who sends down rain from the sky: from it ye drink, and out of it (grows) the vegetation on which ye feed your cattle. With it He produces for you corn, olives, date-palms, grapes and every kind of fruit: verily in this is a Sign for those who give thought.

He has made subject to you the night and the day; the sun and the moon; and the stars are in subjection by His Command: verily in this are Signs for men who are wise. And the things on this earth which He has multiplied in varying colours (and qualities): verily in this is a Sign for men who celebrate the praises of God (in gratitude).

It is He who has made the sea subject, that ye may eat thereof flesh that is fresh and tender, and that ye may extract therefrom ornaments to wear; and thou seest the ships therein that plough the waves, that ye may seek (thus) the bounty of God that ye may be grateful.

And He has set up on the earth mountains standing firm, lest it should shake with you; and rivers and roads; that ye may guide yourselves; And marks and sign-posts; and by the stars (men) guide themselves.

Is then He Who creates like one that creates not? Will ye not receive admonition? If ye would not count up the favours of God, never would ye be able to number them: for God is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful. And God doth know what ye conceal, and what ye reveal. Those whom they invoke besides God create nothing and are themselves created. (They are things) dead, lifeless: nor do they know when they will be raised up."

Al-Nahl:1-21.

Does God Exist?

I came across this site www.allaboutphilosophy.org and one of the article discusses the above topic. You see...when I was suffering from a major depression about 10 years ago, I posed the exact same question to myself. And yes, I have found the answer.

For those of you who believe and have faith that God exists...treat this article as a means to affirm your faith. For those who are still looking out for the answer...or the truth...treat this as a platform to open up your heart and your mind to keep searching for the answer.

You can check out the site for the full length...as I'm posting only the excerpt of the article here:

"Does God Exist - The Big Questions
Does God exist? An answer to this fundamental question is a prerequisite for answering the other big questions of life: Where did we come from? Why are we here? Do we serve a purpose? Do we have any intrinsic value? What happens after we die? The question of the existence of God is fundamental.

Does God Exist - Things to Consider
Once you're ready to ask the question, "does God exist?" here are a few observations to consider as you begin your search for an objective answer:

1. Discoveries in astronomy have shown beyond a reasonable doubt that the universe did, in fact, have a beginning. There was a single moment of creation.

2. Advances in molecular biology have revealed vast amounts of information encoded in each and every living cell, and molecular biologists have discovered thousands upon thousands of exquisitely designed machines at the molecular level. Information requires intelligence and design requires a designer.

3. Biochemists and mathematicians have calculated the odds against life arising from non-life naturally via unintelligent processes. The odds are astronomical. In fact, scientists aren't even sure if life could have evolved naturally via unintelligent processes. If life did not arise by chance, how did it arise?

4. The universe is ordered by natural laws. Where did these laws come from and what purpose do they serve?

5. Philosophers agree that a transcendent Law Giver is the only plausible explanation for an objective moral standard. So, ask yourself if you believe in right and wrong and then ask yourself why. Who gave you your conscience? Why does it exist?

6. People of every race, creed, color, and culture, both men and women, young and old, wise and foolish, from the educated to the ignorant, claim to have personally experienced something of the supernatural. So what are we supposed to do with these prodigious accounts of divine healing, prophetic revelation, answered prayer, and other miraculous phenomena? Ignorance and imagination may have played a part to be sure, but is there something more

If your curiosity has been piqued and you desire to look into this matter further, we recommend that you consider the world's assortment of so-called Holy Books. If God does exist, has He revealed Himself? And if He has revealed Himself, surely He exists".

To these...check out my next posting on the evidences.

Have Faith

"Faith" is often referred to religion. So one without faith means one without a religion. But is faith only meant for religion?

"Faith' in the true sense of the word is holding firm on to something or someone that we believe in, even when others don't. But most of the time having faith is about being firm on something that cannot be seen or touched...those intangibles. So much so that when you have faith in something or someone, you need to have your own instinct, your own views and your own belief on why you have faith and it or her/him.

For example, we know that we are breathing air. Though we can't touch it or feel it or even see it, we know that it is air that we breath. And when we look at the running water, we can hear it flow and we can even touch it. But though we cannot hold it, we know that it is water that we feel. But generally, these are acceptable by others.

What about climbing the Mount Everest? Some people would say that it is an impossible feat. But to the mountain climbers...these are possible. Because they have faith in what they do. Or perhaps going around the world in a kayak? Or maybe being the most richest person in your country...or the world, even?

Have faith in all that you do..be it sports, business, work, studies, arts, whatever. For if you have faith in what you do, you would always do your best to make it through. And you would hold on to it no matter what others say about you or about the feat that you are trying to achieve.

The Climb

Life is not always about winning or gaining something or being somebody. It's about experiencing it. It's "THE CLIMB" that matters most.

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreamin' but
There's a voice inside my head said
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every I move I make feel
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I...I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

These struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm takin'
Sometimes might knock me down
But, No, I'm not breakin'

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most yeah
Just gotta keep goin'

And I...I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb...

Keep on movin' keep climbin'
Keep the faith baby
It's all about...it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith...

Bacalah...

Gambar: Ihsan Mohd. Karim

Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.

Telah datang keputusan Allah maka jangan engkau meminta disegerakan. Maha Suci dan Maha Tinggi Allah dari yang mereka persekutukan.

Tuhan menurunkan malaikat, membawa wahyu dengan perintahNya kepada sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya dari hamba-hambaNya. Peringatkanlah bahawasanya tidak ada Tuhan selain Aku. Maka bertakwalah kepadaKu.

Dia yang menciptakan ruang angkasa dan bumi dengan hak (sempurna dan penuh hikmah) maha Tinggi Allah dari yang mereka persekutukan.

Dialah yang menciptakan manusia dari air mani. Maka ia (setelah dewasa ada) yang menjadi penentang Allah terang-terangan.

Dan Dialah yang telah menciptakan binatang-binatang ternak untukmu. Padanya ada bulu yang memanaskanmu dan berbagai manfaat lain di antaranya menjadi makananmu.

Dan binatang-binatang itu memberikan pandangan yang indah (kepuasan) bagimu, ketika kamu memasukkannya ke kandang dan waktu kamu lepaskan ke padang rumput.

Dan (binatang-binatang itu) membawa barang-barangmu ke tempat tujuan yang kamu (sendiri) tidak akan sampai ke sana kecuali dengan susah-payah. Sesungguhnya Tuhanmu Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang.

Dan (Dia menciptakan) kuda, bighal dan keldai menjadi kenderaan dan perhiasanmu. Dan Tuhan menciptakan apa (bermacam alat perhubungan) yang tidak kamu ketahui.

Dan Allah, hanya (menunjukkan) jalan yang lurus (benar). Ada pula jalan yang menyimpang (dari yang benar). Jika Tuhan menghendaki tentu ditunjukiNya kamu semua.

Dan Dialah yang menurunkan air hujan dari langit (awan mendung) untukmu. Sebahagian minuman dan sebahagian lain untuk menyuburkan tumbuh-tumbuhan di mana kamu mengembalakan ternakmu.

Dia menumbuhkan dengan air hujan itu tumbuh-tumbuhan untukmu; jagung, zaitun, kurma, anggur dan beraneka ragam buah-buahan. Sesunggunya yang demikian tanda (kekuasaan Allah) bagi yang memikirkan.

Dan Dia menyerahkan bagimu malam dan siang, matahari, bulan dan bintang-bintang. Semua itu diatur sesuai dengan perintahNya. SesungguhNya yang demikian itu adalah tanda-tanda (kekuasaan Allah) bagi kaum yang mengambil pelajaran.




Dan Dialah yang menyerahkan lautan agar kamu dapat memakan daging yang segar (ikan) dan mengeluarkan (mengambil) dari dalam lautan itu perhiasan yang kamu pakai. Dan kamu lihat bahtera mengharungi lautan itu. Dan supaya kamu mencari karuniaNya. Dan (akhirnya) supaya kamu bersyukur.

Dan Dia memancangkan gunung-gunung di muka bumi agar bumi itu tidak goncang (membahayakanmu). Dan Dia menjadikan sungai-sungai dan jalan-jalan agar kamu mendapat petunjuk (mencari rezekimu).

Dan (diciptakanNya di bumi itu) tanda-tanda (gunung, bukit, lurah dan lain-lain petunjuk jalan). Dan dengan bintang-bintang mereka mendapat pedoman (dalam perjalanan).


- Surah An-Nahl : 1 - 16

Hanya PadaMu

Dengan nama Allah, Yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang

Ya Allah...Maha Besar Engkau
Yang memiliki kerajaan langit dan bumi
...dunia dan akhirat

Yan Allah...Maha Agung Engkau
Yang mensyariatkan sekalian alam
...dan sekalian makhluk yang berada di dalamnya

Sesungguhnya...
Dari Engkau aku didatangkan
Kepada Engkau jualah aku akan dikembalikan
Dan kepadaMu lah sebaik-baik tempat kembali

Ampunilah aku
Di atas segala dosa yang telah aku lakukan
Samada yang kecil mahupun yang besar
Yang terdahulu dan yang terkemudian
Yang aku sedari mahupun yang tidak aku sedari
Yang aku sengajakan mahupun yang tidak aku sengajakan
Sesungguhnya, tiada suatu pun menjadi rahsia bagiMu
Ya Allah...Yang Maha Mengetahui

Hanya kepadaMu aku memohon pertolongan
Hanya kepadaMu aku memohon perlindungan
Hanya kepadaMu aku memohon keampunan
Dan hanya kepadaMu aku berserah diri dan bertawakal.

Amin...Ya Rabbal 'Alamiinn.

The Sun

In the name of God,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful

By the Sun and his (glorious) splendour


By the Moon as she follows him


By the Day as it shows up (the Sun's) glory


By the Night as it conceals it


By the Firmament and it (wonderful) structure


By the Earth and its (wide) expanse


By the Soul, and the proportion and order given to it


And its enlightenment as to its wrong and its right


Truly he succeeds that purifies it


And he fails that corrupts it!




-As-Shams : 1-10

Lord, to Thee we pray

In the name of God, Most Gracious Most Merciful

Our Lord!
Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error

Our Lord!
Lay not on us a burden
like that which Thou didst lay on those before us

Our Lord!
Lay not on us a burden
greater than we have strength to bear
Blot out our sins and grant us forgiveness

Have mercy on us.
Thou art our Protector
Help us against those who stand against Faith.

Al-Baqarah: 286

Kau Yang Satu (Ramli Sarip)

Don't Be Sad

One of the things that I was 'asked' to do was to sell this book Don't Be Sad by Dr. 'Aidh Al-Qarni; the English version. You don't get that many in the bookstores here. But you'll get the Malay version in abundance. I found this English version easier to read and understand. So I order 10 copies from the publisher, International Islamic Publishing House, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

For the past 1 month, I have sold them off. Alhamdulillah. Now I am in the midst of drafting a Sales Page for my website. I've managed to complete it except for the charges. I am contemplating whether to sell it to the domestic market or the international market. Now...waiting for the 'sign'.

Insya-Allah. Everything will be okay, Zade. Have faith, luv.