HEARTBREAKS

I have been thinking about this for a few days now. I feel the need to send this message out to the world.

At first, I wanted to make a video of it. But I don't want people to be mistaken belief that I am still thinking of my past.

That's not the intention why I'm writing this.

I have a VERY SERIOUS message to send out. Please bear with me.

Heartbreaks seem like a usual growing up and life process. I'm sure, 9 out of 10 of you have experienced this at some point in your life. And you know how it feels.

I cannot take it when people say "move on" or "forget her/him" to someone who had just experienced a heartbreak.

Get this, people: IT'S NOT JUST A FREAKING HEARTBREAK!

This is not a drama that we get to see on TV. This is for real. Heartbreaks are the evil of all dark emotions.

A simple heartbreak can cause the life of a person. Trust me, I know.
You see, heartbreaks can lead to a lot of limiting beliefs and dark emotions. Apart from feeling frustrated, these are some of the deeper emotions that someone who has suffered a heartbreak can feel:

1. FEAR - heartbreaks lead to fear of losing someone whom we love, fear of being rejected, fear of being left alone, fear of not being wanted and fear of trusting someone else.

2. LOW SELF-ESTEEM - heartbreaks caused someone to have a low self-esteem. They felt that they were not good enough and that's why the person whom they loved, left them. Having such low self-esteem can even cause that person to become anti-social, they will shut themselves out from the world, they can become hermits.

3. ANGER - heartbreaks can turn someone into a grouch who in turn will cause him/her to experience anger management issue. He/she can't be angry at the person whom have left them, because they love that person very much. So they vent their anger at the rest of the world.

4. SADNESS - someone who suffered a heartbreak is as sad as someone whose loved ones died. They suffer the feeling of loss. Their sadness is beyond words.

5. GUILT - the feeling of guilt would arise when they think that they have cause the person to leave them. Probably something that they have said or do or didn't say and didn't do.

6. REGRET - especially when he/she has spent a lot of time and effort to be with that person whom he/she loved. Deeper regret is felt when the relationship that they had was supposed to bring them to the altar (dais). They would live with such remorseful feeling for as long as they could.

7. DESPONDENT / DEJECTED - someone who experienced this feeling after a heartbreak can make them feel depressed. They will give up hope, give up the will to live and give up the need to be happy again.

8. VINDICTIVE - having the vengeance against the person who hurt them, is normal, so to speak. But the darkest form of vengeance is when they let it out on others. They will break other people's heart carelessly or even cause other relationships to break, just to satisfy their own vindictive feeling.
Some people would have all these feelings mixed together. Unknowingly, they would carry on with these feelings even when they have found another love.

To those fortunate, they would snap out of these dark emotions and continue living. However, to some unfortunate ones, these feelings would lead to depression. Depression would lead to suicidal thoughts and if left untreated, these suicidal thoughts could cause them their lives.

You see, it's not "just another heartbreak".

IN ALL EARNEST, IN ALL SINCERITY AND IN THE NAME OF HUMANITY, I BEG OF YOU...HUSBANDS, WIVES, BOYFRIENDS, GIRLFRIENDS, LOVERS...TO PLEASE... PLEASE... PLEASE.... PLEASE.... BE COMPASSIONATE WHEN YOU WANT TO BREAK SOMEONE'S HEART.

IF YOU REALLY HAVE TO DO IT, PLEASE HAVE THE COURAGE TO FACE THAT PERSON AND TELL THEM NICELY. MAN UP! MOST IMPORTANTLY, APOLOGIZE FOR HAVING TO DO THAT TO THEM.

DON'T TREAT THEM LIKE SHIT. DON'T JUST DUMP THEM LIKE THEY DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU. DON'T TREAT THEM LIKE THEY HAVE NO FEELINGS.

I BEG OF YOU.

PLEASE....

P/S: Kindly share this message. I'd appreciate it very much.

Regards,
ZADE

Oh, my poor girl!

My daughter bought a scrap book that costs about RM22.00 earlier today. She told me that she wanted to work on a 'project' for my upcoming Anniversary. She wanted to make an album of me and my husband.

When we arrived home, she immediately went to scour the photo albums looking for photos that she'd put in the scrapbook. She found a hands' full of photos and came to my room to scan them. In colour! I looked through the photos, rejected a few and finally I nagged at her for being so engrossed with this 'project' while not doing anything when I asked her to study. I told her that while she refused to do what I have asked her to do, now she is asking me to do something there and then. So I asked her to put the photos on my table and that I will "scan them when I'm free".

I told her that I appreciate what she was trying to do but all I want from her was to study. She slowly picked up the photos and left the room. I called her back, asked her to give me the photos. She said that she's not going to do it anymore. She'll just make me a card.

Awwww....!!! Now doesn't that sound so saddddd??? What have I done?!

I've turned into my parents!

I've shot dead my daughter's enthusiasm tonight. Why...oh why...did I do just that?

I could've handled the situation in a much better way. Instead, I unconsciously turn myself into my late Mom (sorry Mak!) and nagged at her. I should've encouraged her!

Oh...I need some coaxing to do. My poor girl!

A New Year Has Begun

Hey, it's 2018! And we are already in the mid of January...how time flies.

I'm writing to reflect on how 2017 was and how 2018 has been treating me so far. 

Well, 2017 ended subtly.

Looking back, I'd say that it was generally a good year despite the fact that I've lost my dear brother to the Big C. Probably, realising the fact that he passed on in a good way and towards a much better place gave my heart some assurance that all is not lost after all. Probably also, because of the healing my friend did on me that made it easier to let go of my grieve. Sadness still lurks around sometimes.


Just before 2017 ended, I've made up my mind not to have any New Year Resolutions this time around. Instead, I have listed down the things that I want to focus on, this year. Here they are:

1. Going for NLP Practitioner Certification.
2. Completing my Stage 2 MBA.
3. Spend time with my kids, going through their studies. Especially Kakak, because she'll be sitting for her UPSR (Year 6 exams) end of the year.
4. To complete the book for my kids and launch it by July 2018.
5. Focus on my speaking programs.
6. Improve my health through healthier diet and exercise.

I think I am wiser than I was to maintain my focus this year so that I will achieve all the above successfully.

I am, after all, a WARRIOR and warriors go through the Finish Line, warriors take action in spite of fear and mood. 

So, here's to a great and fulfilling year!The year of New Beginning!

Taking Things for Granted

As the manager / head of department, sometimes we take things for granted because we know our subordinates will do the job for us. So we skip the details. Sometimes we don't even read correspondences and reports. All we do when we receive them was to forward the correspondences and reports to the subordinates and let them deal with all the information. We wait only for the summary.

Sometimes we take it for granted that the staff knows what he is doing, when actually he doesn't. We take it for granted that the staff likes what he is doing, when actually he is not interested at all. We take it for granted that the staff is healthy and well, when actually he was struggling with health issues.

At times, we take it for granted that all our subordinates were trustworthy so we didn't check on what they were doing, even when they were dealing with cash. Delegate, by all means. But don't just let it go 100%. As the head of department, we are still responsible for what the staff does and we are accountable for their actions. Donald Trump wrote this in his book Dream Big and Kick Ass in Business and Life : "Employ the best people, but watch them like a hawk".

As a subordinate, we should not take things for granted just because we have the head of department to 'protect' us. We are at work, we are supposed to be able to work independently with minimal supervision. We are not reporting to teachers like we are in school or reporting to professors at the Universities. We are supposed to have the initiative to make things happen, not to just wait and see; not even to ignore what is going on around us.

We should not take things for granted by thinking that the head of department is doing lesser job, so he should have all the time to check on the documents that we have submitted or to follow through on what we were supposed to do. 

But some people take these things for granted. For example, when asked to prepare the minutes of meeting, they would do it just because they were asked to. Not because they thought the minutes of meeting is an important document that could be used as a point of reference in the future. Not even because they thought they could learn something from the meeting or even learning how to improve their writing skills or written language while doing the minutes. Important points were not captured, grammar wasn't checked, spelling wasn't correct and at times even the formatting was wrong. Probably because they thought someone would surely check on it (or someone won't!). 

At times I would get a simple "I'm not sure" response when asked about a particular information. There wasn't even a glint of effort to tell me that they will at least try to get the information. The least they could do was to say "Let me check on the details and get back to you". It makes a lot of difference. To me the former just shows that they were taking things for granted and they didn't even know what was going on.

People who take things for granted probably think they are indispensable from the company. Probably they are already in their comfort zone and so they thought there is no need to work harder or to know more because what they are having now is good enough. Probably they think if they know more, their responsibilities will be greater and they don't want additional responsibilities. They just want to be where they are. They didn't realise that 'employability' or 'marketability' of a person depends on how resourceful they are. The less resourceful they are, the lesser their 'employability' and 'marketability'.

Lest we forget, nobody is indispensable.

If heads of departments take things for granted and leave it all to the subordinates, you will have problem when your subordinates fall ill or on leave. Worse, if they leave the company, taking their knowledge (and their skills) with them!

If subordinates take things for granted that the head of departments would be there to answer on their behalf or even to 'protect' them, they are in for trouble when there is restructuring in the organisation or when there is a shift in leadership. Worse, if they are asked to leave the company. Where would they go? What would they do? What value have they gained for themselves in order to increase their 'employability' and 'marketability' ?

So lets not take things for granted at the work place. Take responsibility on what we are doing. Own it.