Reflection #03

Been a while. Yes. I have been struggling with my health for the past three months. Now I'm feeling fine. Still recuperating. Still managing the asthma. Getting to the pink of health. Insya Allah. Slowly but surely.

I watched a video by Robert Riopel earlier today, in his Fan Page. That video brought me back to home. He reminded me of what I am supposed to be doing and WHY I'm doing it. Yes, one of the reasons why people failed in life is because they don't know what they are after. So how could they succeed if they don't even know what to achieve? True or true? Same here with me.

Engulfed with self-pity from the heartbreaks of many many years ago, added with the deep grieve I felt after my parents were gone and then my elder brother, I came to realise that I have actually neglected myself for so long. I have become a victim without me knowing it. Or probably I do but I chose to ignore. One of the things that I know I know and I chose not to know.

This realisation...this sudden awareness, I think has something to do with the healing that my friend Lina Masrina did on me when she came to visit not too long ago. I think the healing has cleared the path for my self-pity to finally find its way out and roam free. Because from that day onwards, as though in trance, I felt at ease and in peace with myself. I began to be AWARE. I began to think what I think and feel what I feel. The most recent heartbreak, though I have been carrying with me for the past 18 or so years, have disappeared into thin air. I could still remember but no longer do I feel the pain. I could finally FORGIVE myself and let go. Really, really let go.

Amazing, isn't it? How a 30-minutes healing could make a 26 years of inner pain, suffering and self-pity dissolved into thin air and purify the soul? That, was indeed a purification for me.

Since then on, everyday my senses seem to be awake. Like I have just got out from a coma. To my amazement, most of the time things that I've been thinking would physically appear. For example if I've been thinking of a certain words of wisdom, in an instance I would be reading the same in a book. It all started only recently.

When I bought the book, The Way of Achievers written by a warrior-friend, Maitha al-Shamsi. I had just been planning and writing down the scopes of the book for my kids. Something that I have actually planned for many years and did nothing. In her book, Maitha wrote exactly what I need to do in order to make sure the book is written!

Robert, on the other hand, spoke in his video about what a warrior should be doing at this time of the year. Yes, a warrior will go THROUGH the Finish Line, instead of waiting for the year to end and to start all over again in 2018. These two, coupled with the first few pages of High Performance Habits written by Brendon Burchard that I'm starting to read, gave me sort of an assurance that I am actually going into the right direction. Okay, I've said this once a few years ago and I'm still here at the Start, but this time I'm afraid things will change. Because I, will make that change happen!

First thing's first...I'm going to go through with the exams for my MBA that is due in 9 days. After the exams, I will resume with my daily commitment to work on the book for my kids. At the same time, I have committed myself to something else in January 2018 and have started paying for it progressively. I have also committed myself to the Stage 2 of the MBA Programme that will start in February.

I am still searching for my calling. Up to now, all I can feel tightly hugging my very own soul and tugging at my conscience is writing. I have a few ideas in my mind, need to put them into actions. But who knows...I may end up doing Stand-up Comedy. Haha. 😄