Hello!
It seems like I have neglected this Blog since we arrived at 2016. It wasn't intentional. I had some issues that I need to settle.
So...how has my 4 months been? Let's see:
1. My kids have grown up taller. My daughter has almost reached my height! And she is so proud of herself. Heh. She's going to be 10 this May and my son will be 9 in June.
2. My school friend, who had the rectum cancer, passed away on New Year's eve. I couldn't go and visit his family then. So we communicated through Facebook.
3. My cousin held a double wedding for her sons in March. It was a grand wedding! The day after the wedding, we went for a retreat at this eco-resort called 'Tanah Aina Farrah Soraya'. It was a great feeling.
4. Another school friend, whom I knew very well, passed away on April 1. It was a sudden death. Again, I wasn't able to go and visit. She had no children. So I pity her husband very much. The last time I met her was on 25th December 2015, when she was waiting on her husband who was hospitalised.
5. I didn't look for a job. But I guess I need to.
That's all in a nutshell. I'll write some more in a few days' time.
Friday, 15 April 2016
Wednesday, 9 December 2015
Five Years in Summary
Soon, very soon, 2015 is going to leave us. And soon, very soon, 2016 will come a knocking.
Reflecting on my life the past 6 years, this is to summarise it:
2010 - Anger & Frustration
2011 - Repentance
2012 & 2013 - Sadness
2014 - Trying Hard To Forget
2015 - Peace & Coming Home
For 2016, I place my hope. So it'll be a year of Hope.
Reflecting on my life the past 6 years, this is to summarise it:
2010 - Anger & Frustration
2011 - Repentance
2012 & 2013 - Sadness
2014 - Trying Hard To Forget
2015 - Peace & Coming Home
For 2016, I place my hope. So it'll be a year of Hope.
Reflection
Tonight I had the chance to reflect on my life. I mean, really reflect.
I have carried this hurt, this pain, this frustration and this disappointment for 20 years. Yes, that is a long time. In suffering those feelings, I became angry and laid it out on other people. I wasn't being a happy person. I wasn't being me. I blamed it on those who have hurt me, those whom I consider the cause of this hurt, this pain, this frustration, this disappointment. People often say "time would heal". I can't deny that. Yes, time would heal. But it took me 20 years! That was almost half my life.
I have carried this hurt, this pain, this frustration and this disappointment for 20 years. Yes, that is a long time. In suffering those feelings, I became angry and laid it out on other people. I wasn't being a happy person. I wasn't being me. I blamed it on those who have hurt me, those whom I consider the cause of this hurt, this pain, this frustration, this disappointment. People often say "time would heal". I can't deny that. Yes, time would heal. But it took me 20 years! That was almost half my life.
I've wasted away my youth. I was trying to find 'true happiness' and yet, I led myself to being hurt one after another. Then I became a workaholic. I failed to see all the beautiful things that have happened to me along the way. I wasn't being ungrateful, no. I was only living my life on 'auto pilot' (if you know what I mean). I couldn't appreciate the life that I was living. How foolish of me.
Then, God gave me the opportunity to heal. He showed me how to find myself. Again. I am glad. Because then I was able to really get it into my head and my heart that all these while, it wasn't those people who made my life miserable. It was me. I failed to understand that it was all fated. Written in my Book long before I was put into my mother's womb. I know about it, but I failed to make my thoughts and my feelings understand it. But since God has opened my heart to Him, I finally do understand. The feeling was like coming out to the open after being shut in a dark room. Everything became clear to me. And I really felt like a bonehead!
As Jennifer Steed would have put it, I "came home". I am now at peace. I am myself. I am so grateful that Allah has given me this chance yet again to find my true path. Allah is the AlMighty. He made everything happen according to His Qudrah and Iradah. Indeed, He has given me everything that I NEED. And I realise that now. And I pray that He will guide me on the right path til the day I go back to Him. Insya Allah.
#AllahKnowsBest
Then, God gave me the opportunity to heal. He showed me how to find myself. Again. I am glad. Because then I was able to really get it into my head and my heart that all these while, it wasn't those people who made my life miserable. It was me. I failed to understand that it was all fated. Written in my Book long before I was put into my mother's womb. I know about it, but I failed to make my thoughts and my feelings understand it. But since God has opened my heart to Him, I finally do understand. The feeling was like coming out to the open after being shut in a dark room. Everything became clear to me. And I really felt like a bonehead!
As Jennifer Steed would have put it, I "came home". I am now at peace. I am myself. I am so grateful that Allah has given me this chance yet again to find my true path. Allah is the AlMighty. He made everything happen according to His Qudrah and Iradah. Indeed, He has given me everything that I NEED. And I realise that now. And I pray that He will guide me on the right path til the day I go back to Him. Insya Allah.
#AllahKnowsBest
Saturday, 5 September 2015
Soul Search
I have to admit, ever since I quit my job in December 2014, I have been a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I send my kids to school, pick them up, do the laundry and cook.
Day after day, it becomes monotonous. Most of the time I'll be wondering what to cook because I've been cooking the same dish day after day. However, I am grateful that my husband and my kids are not picky eaters. They will eat whatever I serve on the table. Though sometimes they will request what dish they want me to cook. And I would oblige.
I have also been praying and reading the Al Quran. A realisation came to me when I was warded in the hospital on the second day of Ramadhan. I realised that I have not been a good servant. When I was working, I didn't take care of my prayers. Most of the time I didn't complete the five times.
But since Ramadhan, I have been praying and reading the Al Quran so much that I think I prayed and read the Al Quran verses more in these few months than I ever did in the past years. How ignorant can I be, huh?
Apart from that, I have also been very grateful for what I have in life and I'll tell God that I am grateful. Even though I now have less money than I had before, I think now I have what I haven't had before (or what I haven't been truly grateful for) and that is my family.
Day after day, it becomes monotonous. Most of the time I'll be wondering what to cook because I've been cooking the same dish day after day. However, I am grateful that my husband and my kids are not picky eaters. They will eat whatever I serve on the table. Though sometimes they will request what dish they want me to cook. And I would oblige.
I have also been praying and reading the Al Quran. A realisation came to me when I was warded in the hospital on the second day of Ramadhan. I realised that I have not been a good servant. When I was working, I didn't take care of my prayers. Most of the time I didn't complete the five times.
But since Ramadhan, I have been praying and reading the Al Quran so much that I think I prayed and read the Al Quran verses more in these few months than I ever did in the past years. How ignorant can I be, huh?
Apart from that, I have also been very grateful for what I have in life and I'll tell God that I am grateful. Even though I now have less money than I had before, I think now I have what I haven't had before (or what I haven't been truly grateful for) and that is my family.
Being Hungry
Apart from growing up, there is one thing that you should not stop doing - be HUNGRY. Not hungry for food, but hungry for INFORMATION.
Everyone of us started as babies who didn't know anything. As we grow older, we picked up some words and we know when we are hungry (for food). When we go to school, we learn a lot of new things. We learn how to write, read and speak. But once we get out of study, when we finished college (or University), we went to work and then we stop learning. We learn only the things that we need to know about the job that we are doing.
We need to learn about other things as well. Most importantly, we must learn how to develop ourselves. So how do we do this? There are three things we can do:
1. Read a lot. Regardless of the material, read! But, make sure we read only positive stuffs.
2. Go for trainings. Some people refused to go for trainings because they think they already know so much. There is actually no limit to the knowledge in this world. Nobody could possibly 'know everything'.
3. Mix with the right kind of people. If you want to know more about cars, mix with those involved in the automotive industry. If you want to know more about film-making, mix with those involved in the film industry. If you want to know more about how to become a better father / husband, mix with those who are spiritually and mentally motivated and those who have already succeeded as a father / husband.
When we know a lot of things, we are able make better decisions for ourselves and our family, in times of need. We may also avoid making poor decisions that would cost us money, time and effort. We may also be able to help other people by giving them our point-of-view on certain matters. We may also be able to provide services to other people.
In other words, having more information would open wide the doors for us.
Everyone of us started as babies who didn't know anything. As we grow older, we picked up some words and we know when we are hungry (for food). When we go to school, we learn a lot of new things. We learn how to write, read and speak. But once we get out of study, when we finished college (or University), we went to work and then we stop learning. We learn only the things that we need to know about the job that we are doing.
We need to learn about other things as well. Most importantly, we must learn how to develop ourselves. So how do we do this? There are three things we can do:
1. Read a lot. Regardless of the material, read! But, make sure we read only positive stuffs.
2. Go for trainings. Some people refused to go for trainings because they think they already know so much. There is actually no limit to the knowledge in this world. Nobody could possibly 'know everything'.
3. Mix with the right kind of people. If you want to know more about cars, mix with those involved in the automotive industry. If you want to know more about film-making, mix with those involved in the film industry. If you want to know more about how to become a better father / husband, mix with those who are spiritually and mentally motivated and those who have already succeeded as a father / husband.
When we know a lot of things, we are able make better decisions for ourselves and our family, in times of need. We may also avoid making poor decisions that would cost us money, time and effort. We may also be able to help other people by giving them our point-of-view on certain matters. We may also be able to provide services to other people.
In other words, having more information would open wide the doors for us.
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